Blue Dog, Your woman asks you, "why are you upset?" She wants to understand your feelings. It's kinda like reverse validating. So a great response to encourage a dialouge instead of a argument (no more twisting or confusion) - H- Thanks for asking. I feel_____________ when you do______________________. Can you now see why I might be upset? W -response H- Yes, you understand thank you. How do you feel about that or why do you feel that way? No, How can I help you understand? No more defensiveness, we are seeking to understand, I am asking how you genuinely feel. We get upset when are aren't being heard. Being heard means someone is showing you interest, compassion, love. You have great empathy for people dealing with A, it's your ministry. I struggled and still screw up with really listening to what my W is telling me. It's not the way guys talk or communicate. When I listen to understand it's different than listening just to hear.
SP, I think one of the points the W are making to you is are you communicating to be "right" or to do the right thing?
Cheers
I see your point, but I guess I didn't see his wife's ranting complaint as a true cry for more/better communication of his feelings. I saw it just as gritchin' at him. Maybe I'm wrong.
