T2 you are ok. I love it when someone just says what they feel - no touchy feely, politically correct bullsh*t, just their thoughts.
Trapt, listen, I am old enough to be your mother, so here are my two cents.
This is all new to you. You have never been divorced before. Dealing with a divorce with an MLCer is an added bonus. You need to work your way around it and through it at your own pace, in your own way. You need to feel positive about the steps you take and the reactions you have.
Having said that, I think going back to DB basics may help. Dont go down cheeseless tunnels. When something doesnt work, try something different. Set clear boundaries and reinforce them. Re-assess your actions often and adjust when necessary. Accept your responsibilites, actions and changes. Leave hers to her.
Dont beat yourself up for having trouble adjusting. But, dont stand still either. If it is bothering you, change your actions.
I just don't see the need to hurry up and make that decision to slam the door forever.
No, you don't need to make that decision right now. I never said you needed to.
Hey wait a minute, yes you did.
Originally Posted By: T2SP
She will continue keeping you on that fence until you finally say enough is enough. You need to make a decision and jump one way or another.
Okay, you caught me. Forgive me. Only excuse I have for not remembering I wrote that was I have been taking meds for my allergies and I am a bit woozy today.
I said you needed to make a decision to jump one way or another, not slam the door shut forever. You can jump off the fence but leave the door open.
Maybe I just need to move on. I'm not very good at discussing things on here anymore. Maybe I am becoming bitter. I don't know why though because other than a few things my @sshole stbx is doing my life is great. Better than it has been in a long time. I guess since I am enjoying life so much it bothers me to see all my friends on here in so much turmoil. It hurts me to see how much you love your wife and are willing to do for her but she has her blinders on. For all the times you wanted to talk to her and she ignored you and now she thinks she can turn around and talk freely with you without any repercussions.
Trapt, I don't want you to lose hope or anything because it would mean the world to me if you came on here one day and said she has woken up from this fog and is coming home. You keep that door cracked and show us that there is such a thing as miracles in this world.
Maybe I just need to move on. I'm not very good at discussing things on here anymore. Maybe I am becoming bitter. I don't know why though because other than a few things my @sshole stbx is doing my life is great. Better than it has been in a long time. I guess since I am enjoying life so much it bothers me to see all my friends on here in so much turmoil. It hurts me to see how much you love your wife and are willing to do for her but she has her blinders on. For all the times you wanted to talk to her and she ignored you and now she thinks she can turn around and talk freely with you without any repercussions.
Trapt, I don't want you to lose hope or anything because it would mean the world to me if you came on here one day and said she has woken up from this fog and is coming home. You keep that door cracked and show us that there is such a thing as miracles in this world.
I do appreciate the care, conceren and advice. ALL of it. I hate seeing everyone hurt here too, and I can only speak for myself about this.
Right now I'm choosing to do this. I can pull the cord and eject at anytime, and from time to time that thought crosses my mind.
I don't have the answers, but I do know this is the path I need to keep traveling on right now. Will she come back? Who the hell knows? I do know this will grow me as a person.
It still is one day at a time and today isn't the day.
I'm not upset with you or anyone else who offers advice. I do know you care and I really appreciate it. Just please keep in mind this is my choice.
You want to know what makes me happy? You standing up for yourself! Most of the time you back pedal when someone says something to you. Not today. Today you stood straight up and told me "just please keep in mind this is my choice". You have finally said the words I have wanted to hear for a long time.
"You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life."
"A man does what he must - in spite of personal consequences, in spite of obstacles and dangers and pressures - and that is the basis of all human morality."
"An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last."
"Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen."
T2, please do not feel that you have nothing to offer anymore. That simply is not true. All opinions on here help get us thinking. And your honesty and telling it like you see it is a breath of fresh air.
Trapt, attaboy, that attitude is what we like to hear. Do it your way, but do it.
T2, We all get really indignant on other people's behalf here. It makes me crazy to see a good man (that rare and precious commodity) get repeatedly sh*t on.
T2, We all get really indignant on other people's behalf here. It makes me crazy to see a good man (that rare and precious commodity) get repeatedly sh*t on.
You're alright by me, Trapt.
Thanks Andabelle, and again T2 I do understand.
I do need to speak up and lay a few more boundaries. I think your right. I HAVE to get rid of the anger though. For me. It's no good to carry around, at it just plays into her drama. No matter what happens, I want to be better, stronger, above this insane mess.
I feel like an idiot for going off the past couple of days, but I do feel much better now.
Thank you guys and gals.
Mach & Ian, you guys are awesome. Thank you so much.
Some time in the near future I may post in surving too. I think it would be good to get over there and learn from others who have gone through this.
