he was back, i think

[mdoodles]

im fighting my urge to text him right now...

i dont even know what i would want to say, but i know nothing i say will do anything to help me any more than not texting him.

i hate this.

i was doing alittle better but sometimes it just hits me, ya know?

i had him here. he was home. and now he isnt.

and he is back on the fence. who knows how long he may remain on the fence again?

i cant keep waiting for him, i cant keep waiting for him to figure himself out. and even if he came home, who is to say he wouldnt leave again?

i dont know what to do. i know im not ready to end the marriage, but i also know that something definitive has to happen rather soon.

i have to move. dont know where i am going or if he is coming.

at one point we thought of moving in with my in laws until we got back on our feet.

maybe its not such a bad idea anymore, assuming he is coming with me!

i want to blame him and yell at him and fault him for putting us in this terrible position.

we were once so well off at such a young age and now im battling to find health insurance. its crazy.

his affair, his mlc at 26 did us in.

and the store? the store was supposed to help us for a fresh start and its not doing even half of what it was supposed to and it seems he is totally giving up on it.

im such an optomist, i try to spin a positive light on things when i talk to him.

but right now i cant help but think he is with the ow.

just needed to vent.