Last night D7 told me that she told her mommy that I am lonely when they are not there. I'm not sure where she got that from. But her mommy told her I stay plenty busy when they are gone.
Honestly, she probably got that from a vibe you send off. Take a page from your W's book and start offering your children some assurance that when they are not there with you not only are you okay, but you are fabulous!
Then D7 asked me if I missed W. I said yes. I miss her very much. And then we left it at that.
Well, that is where she got the "daddy's lonely" bit from. When you tell a 7yo that you miss somebody very much it implies lonliness and sadness. Is that what you want to project on to your two young daughters? The same two daughters that have been through their own personal hell (you leaving to go to Florida, parents splitting up, you moving to your own place, having to be shuffled back and forth every other week and you no longer being included in family events with your W's family). All they want to know is that things will be okay. They want to know both their mom and dad will be just fine and it doesnt sound like you are providing that for them.
Get them excited about their time with you so when they do have to go back to your W's house they will have a sense of some positive momentum building. I posted three free publications for FREE things to do with kids in the Dallas area a while back. Have you looked into them? Why not treat Dallas like you are seeing it for the first time with your kids and find new and interesting things to do? Why not get them started on some projects at your apartment (container gardening for example). Picnics? Something! Get creative so they can spend their time with you having fun and feeling content - not worried about your sadness and lonliness.
True. I was telling W about it that D7 had things on her mind. She said it was good to know that I never told them that I was lonely without them.
But maybe I had sent off vibes.
I'm still trying to figure out how to become interesting to W. So far she has gone boating, biking, going with a friend to learn how to shoot today. She is doing all these different things. I'm not sure how to compete with some of that.
She asked me today if I could pick up the girls from her mom but just wait in the alley while her mom sends them out so she doesn't have to see me. I asked W if this is ever going to end. This has gotten ridiculous. I'm not the one with the issue here. Its nuts. I said sure.
A picnic is a good idea with them. They would probably enjoy that.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
You posted on here that with the D on hold, you were going to start "hardcore DB'ing". Read your last post, that is nowhere near hardcore anything.
Once again all the pointless chatter about your W and what SHE is doing, and how you can SHOW her how interesting you are, how can you compete with HER, etc. And here we go again, making everything about HER and how to win HER back. She is so busy because she has a LIFE! You've made it abundantly clear to her, and on here, that you have NO life. That is NOT attractive.
I will say it again, this is about YOU -- not about her.
I'm going to California for the weekend for a wedding, and I hope when I get home and check your thread on Monday, it will chock full of all the fun you had with your girls!! I swear Kevin, you're killing me, you're killing all of us.
I'm still trying to figure out how to become interesting to W. So far she has gone boating, biking, going with a friend to learn how to shoot today. She is doing all these different things. I'm not sure how to compete with some of that.
Holy sh*t!!! Did I just read that. Kevin (and this is coming from a so-so DBer)...STOP posting now and read every other thread you can for the next 24 hours at least. No, no, no, the time has long past for you to be "trying to figure out how to become interesting to W." And you aren't in competition with her!!! It is over, you don't know what she is feeling and you can only WIN in your own little world and in your own mind and on your own terms.
"Interesting"...I had an acting teacher who said "if you want to be interesting, then get interested." Get it? You have to actually have a life that interests you to be interesting to anyone else.
I'm starting to believe more in God having read your posts...I mean how could it be exhibited any more clearly how the LBS screws him or herself?
Kevin, I thank you because you make this all seem so obvious. But, I feel really sorry for you. Do you want that? Women to feel sorry for you?
Get interested in YOUR life and beyond your kids too. What interests you???
I have earned the right by default (not by excellent DBing mind you) to deliver a 2x4, simply because I have subjected myself to the content of your threads.
Back in the day when I worked in business development and we were having a slow day I used to have a boss that would yell "CREATE YOUR OWN EXCITEMENT IF NO DEALS ARE BEING BROUGHT YOUR WAY".
Sort of like the acting teacher mentioned above - if you want to be interesting then GET interesting.
Create your own excitement!
I feel like beating the crap out of you because I am so sick of hearing about your W I could scream for about 20,000 hours like a crazy person. You are only doing things for her and it will NEVER work. It makes you look pathetic. Sorry but it does.
I'm speechless.... See above for 2 x 4 's ^^^^^^^^
Your post reminds me of the quote from Billy Madison.
Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
Go ahead and throw your hands in the air and 4x8 me now. I deserve it. So much for hardcore DBing today.
Kevin: How did the kids go? W: fine Kevin: Good W: off to lunch now Kevin: K Kevin: D7 had things on her mind last night W: like? Kevin: She told me that she told you that I am lonely when they are not there and you told her that I stay plenty busy during the week Kevin: Not sure where she got that from as I have never said that Kevin: Then she asked me if I miss you Kevin: I said yes I do W: ok. good to know. Kevin: Then she was quiet and went to sleep W: alright Kevin: Just thought it was interesting W: yes. she worries about you and grandpa being lonely. Kevin: She has a huge heart W: yes she does W: so i have something to do this afternoon. will you be ok with pulling into the alley at mom's beside the front door and just calling sember to have them come out? not going to the front door? W: i've still got to clear it with mom Kevin: I'm not the one with the issue. I will pick them up where ever W: alright. i'll ask mom. it would help me out not to have to go home Kevin: Ok. Going to happy hour? W: nope. friend teaching me to shoot a rifle. Kevin: Wow. That's cool Kevin: I hope you enjoy W: yeah. i'm pretty excited. but he has someplace he needs to be with his pals at 6 or 7. so we have to do it early Kevin: Very cool Kevin: Is your mom ever going to get past this. I mean this is to the point of ridiculousness Kevin: It is what it is Kevin: Is your day going well? W: just give it time. believe me. i find it just as ridiculous. if not more so. its been a complete pain in my rear. W: day is going fine. thanks W: mom doesn't want you coming over. you have really screwed me over with the crap you've pulled with her. every freaking day this week i've had to cancel plans to do this. leave work early. everything. W: i'm trying to see if she'll bring the kids to the house. lock them in at 4:45. and you get them by 5 W: if you see her car in the driveway. don't pull up until after she leaves. W: yes she is being unreasonable. but you know what... you pulled some crap. and now i'm dealing with the consequences. Kevin: I wish she would grow up. W: i wish you would have been a little more mindful of screwing things up with her while i was gone Kevin: I wish I would have to. I wish she would let me apologize to her. Geez. This is being taken to new levels with her. Kevin: I'm sorry, but I don't believe anything I did warrants this especially when I am willing to apologize and make sure it never happens again W: yeah, well i dont give a crap about how either of you feel. i'm just tired of being caught in the middle. W: its not just this... it was this after the culmination of MANY things you have done, Kevin. Kevin: I agree. If she would let me talk to her I would make amends W: i've got a meeting. i'll let you know what arrangements I've made W: she doesn't care. W: you have never been good about giving people their space and letting them calm down on their time, not yours. W: you need to work on that Kevin: I am giving her space. I have respected everything she has asked W: yesterday, you should have stayed in the backyard while she dropped off the kids. i got an earful. and then hung up on Kevin: No. There is no reason for her to act that way and I am an adult coming out to see my kids. I am not going to hide away like a child who is being punished by an unruley lady. W: well thanks. i appreciate your consideration of the fact that i'm stuck between you two juveniles. Kevin: First. I am not a juve. But cmon. You seriously expect me to hide away from your mom when it comes to my kids? W: for 2 freaking mins you couldn't just give her space? W: seriously? Kevin: I didn't realize yesterday was an issue W: yes, i know Kevin: But if it will make you happy, then I will be more than happy to accomodate. Although I am becoming tired of being excluded from everyone else and family events because of her. Kevin: I don't do that to her or anyone else W: yes, kevin, i know W: can you look for the technisource insurance packet for me this weekend? W: i'll meet you at my house no later than 5. W: mom won't drop them off. W: right now... i truly dislike you both W: i didn't get to enjoy myself tues night. i had to deal with you and mom yesterday. and now today i have to cancel my plans Kevin: I'm not making you cancel your plans. I didn't set up this situation and I am willing to work with whatever arrangements you want. So there is no reason to be mad at me. The problem lies with your mom, not me W: ummm you created the problem. and tues night was you. Kevin: I made a small mistake like everyone else in the family has and your mom has blown it up to epic proportions W: i'm trying to work. see you at 5 Kevin: I'm willing to work with whatever arrangements you want so you don't have to miss your plans W: there's nothing to be done. see you at the house at 5 Kevin: Well... Do you want to go to dinner with me and the kids then? W: no thank you Kevin: Ok Kevin: Look. I'm not trying to cause anything with your mom. I'm trying to stay out of her way. I didn't think tuesday. I apologize for that. Believe me. I don't want issues between you and me and anyone else. So whatever I can do to aleviate that, I will W: i'm good. just let me calm down. see you at 5
Then later I asked her if she wanted to have a meal at my place or hers with the kids this weekend.
Yup, I totally blew every form of DBing today. Someone shoot me now.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
