Eclipse...

[Jimbo]

So.....What exactly IS going on here ?

....who the hell knows.

I get an email from the bank that holds my mortgage, telling me that the email info on our online account has been changed.

Time for contact with W.

I send her an email asking if it's her (as opposed to a hacker, which has happened to me before so I'm very wary of stuff like this), and asking for the new logon info. She writes back 7 minutes after reading my email, confirming that she was changing the contact info for our online mortgage account from her email over to my email address "since the emails have been coming to my (Ws) email". She also took the opportunity to tell me that she's also going to apply for car insurance on her own. (When I got my renewal paperwork a couple weeks ago, her name did not appear on the policy, yet the car she is driving did. Maybe she is driving without insurance and doesn't know it?)

I'm not sure what to make of her angle on this when she says "I still have the laptop with your account on it. If you would like it, let me know and I'll take my stuff off and give it to you." The laptop is one that she bought from work, and then decided that she was going to take with her when she moved out. "I also have found your high school and college diplomas. I believe my college diploma is still in the desk. Would you be open to me getting that, the pink blanket from the bed (it was my grandmother's) and [the cat's] cat tree in exchange for your stuff?"

WHY IS SHE EVEN ASKING? WHY NOT JUST COME IN AND F#*KING TAKE IT WHEN I'M NOT HOME LIKE YOU DO ANYWAY?

Does she think that I'm not going to give her her stuff without some sort of "exchange", as she puts it?

Or maybe giving me the laptop is supposed to ease her guilty conscience?

Then she closes her email with "Thanks. I hope you are doing well."

It's a remark like that that makes me second guess myself. If this is an MLC, she shouldn't give a rat's @$$ whether I'm doing well or not, right?

I am so tired. I am tired of second guessing myself. Tired of feeling like I'm getting on my feet emotionally, only to have something like this prove me wrong. I just don't want to see her. It hurts. I'm so tired of thinking about this. I'm tired of dreaming about her. I'm tired of living in fear and pain. Why can't I just f-ing move past this?