Over the Shock and GALing 5

[Thinker]

Hi Lucky,

I agree with you. I have been really trying in this area, especially since I realized that my W's primary love language is Quality time.

We really do share a ton of interests together. That was one of the things that brought us together in the first place. The biggest challenge that I have been facing is the same one that turned all of our joint activities into individual activities in the first place -- child care.

For example, we used to cycle together all of the time. It was one of the first joint things we did together when we were dating, and we kept it up. Even after we had our first child we would go and drag him along in a trailer. Now with 3, however, that's impossible. I go some mornings. She goes now and then as well, but we'd have to have a sitter to do it together. Same with hiking, roller blading, dancing (which she has nixed because it is too romantic), working out at the gym, or even walking around the block.

(on a side note, I think this was also the cause of the EA. Our joint activities became individual activities, which she then started doing with a male acquaintance who was out alone because he and his W also trade off with their kids, and...)

So most of our joint GAL activities end up being family events.

I originally planned the century as such - we were to trade off riding while the non-rider drives the mini-van full of kids and we meet periodically for breaks / picnics. This would not really be joint GAL because the two of us would not really interact much - just take turns interacting with the other cyclers. (and now, I think W is canceling all-together because she committed to attend a friends child's birthday party).

Tomorrow I think we will go to the pool - one adult watching the older two boys in the big pool while the other hangs out with S1 at the baby pool - not much "joint" there.

Hiking becomes a short walk in the woods dragging several tired and complaining kids.

We do also go out a lot as a couple, mostly to parties at one friends house or another - but you know how those go - arrive, split up and talk to different people, then depart again together.

Other than that, our joint activities are reduced to things that can be done platonically while the kids are asleep: board games, DVD rentals, and American Idol.

So I am not really complaining, just seeing the challenge for what it is. Now that it is Summer, we may be able to find a college student who can babysit during the day so we can do some of this stuff. I'm also trying to work out a deal with one of my friends to trade - "I'll watch your kids so you and your W can go do something, and in trade..." - so far no takers. I'll keep working on it.