I'll mention a few stages and you tell me which stage your wife is in right now:
1. I guess at one point she became aware of her own mortality, that life is finite and that time was being wasted where she was. This awareness is usually triggered by the death of a family member (mom/dad), serious illness, getting older (30th or 40th birthday), etc. Something woke her up one day and she had this idea that she isn't going to be around forever and she needed to do things she hadn't done yet.
2. Being panic stricken and acting as if her life is in CRISIS and having to do different things immediately, prove to herself that her life has meaning outside the marriage & existing family. Having many regrets, thinking what could have been but wasn't because she got married & had a family and now that time is limited, she has to do things to live her life to the fullest, acting extremely selfish towards you & her family, having a really bad attitude - "it's all about me", etc.
3. After doing several things that are out of character for her, changing her appearance, losing lots of weight, working out, dressing better, tanning, shopping, going out, getting hair, makeup, mani/pedicures done regularly (none of these things are bad, let's be clear about that, but if she never did these things previously and now believes she deserves them daily/weekly), she slows down this erratic behavior and starts to act a bit more normal but still not like her usual self. She is sorting her personal life, examining options, questioning her life's direction. She may want to spend more time alone to think about her life and that includes not being around you or her family. This is the longest stage and you can't rush it.
4. Then afterwards, there is a point in her life where she has more energy, she is more positive, has more enthusiasm & respect for life. She questions/doubts herself less, she is more confident in her decisions, starts doing more things but there is less random nature associated with these things: instead of trying everything, she is being more specific but she does want something new in her life and that can include a new meaningful relationship whereas the previous stages she was having affairs to test out the waters and be with other men to experience more variety (see what she had been missing out sexually). She is settling into the new person she is becoming, she is finding herself again and feeling comfortable & good with herself and setting goals for her future which may or may not include you & your family.
5. The last stage is turning those new goals, dreams, ideas into reality. She is energetic & dedicated to her new life and grounded in reality at the same time. She knows that there is world existing outside of her current circle of influence and she wants to be part of it and part of something bigger & more meaningful. She will be less confrontational, she'll be more fun, playful and will enjoy life more now than ever before. There will be no delaying in taking care of herself & her needs, no more time wasting, she will realize life isn't just about dreaming, it's about doing. She will be more passionate about life and she will take responsibility for her own happiness because she will realize that it's her responsibility to be happy and she won't place the blame on others for being happy with herself & life in general.
These are rough, quick to the point recaps but I think you will get the idea when you read them and you will be able to realize where she is right now in her own mid life "transition"/crisis.
