Sorry man. I am right there with you, except my W will not go to couseling. Feel lucky yours is.
These forums have been a great help to me. I would encourage you to stay in touch with them.
What are you doing to work on you?
I am new to all this, and certainly defer to other, more experienced folks. But, I think they would agree that you have to turn the focus on you, not your W - I know that is HARD - I am dealing with it as well.
As far as 180's, what have you been doing that has not worked? It sounds like you may be making your changes for W, not you. Sorry if I'm wrong - just giving my impression. Changes have to be for you, not her, not kids.
While your W is gone for the week, this would be a great time to focus on yourself. You have to work on being happy with you. Once you are happy with you, your self confidence will grow. With that comes the realization that no matter what happens, you will be ok. I am working on that very issue right now. Yes, it will be hard if W goes through with D, but I WILL still have/see my kids, and my life WILL go on. As you reach this point of confidence, I bet you will find the tension in your house is less because you will also be able to (a) let go (if she comes back, great, if not, you do not fear that) and (b) realize many of W's problems are W's, not yours. Again, work on what you can control - you.
Can you get out and do something you have wanted to do but haven't while your W is out of town? Doesn't have to cost $$$ - could be heading out for a hike, hitting some golf balls, hooking up with some friends you have fallen out of touch with, whatever. Stay busy to try to keep your mind off W - the more you do this the easier it gets.
What is your situation - it helps the more you can describe it.
