D9 had a C appt last night. I had previously emailed C about the visitation schedule. She and I also spoke on the phone yesterday before we went in. DH went to the appointment, too. C wanted to speak to me first. Told her again what my position on the visitation is. before I could say anything else, she said it looked to her like an outside influence was pushing for visitation, not DH. She also said that DH would look like a fool to go and ask someone to draft a visitation agreement when he right now has unlimited access to the kids and most men would kill for that. Said she had some tough questions for DH and if they were too emotional for me, she would understand if I left. Then she asked DH to join us.
we chitchatted for a minute or two, then she said that her goal was to get all of us on the same page in regards to what we would tell D9 when certain questions come up, as D9 is very smart and it will only be a matter of time before she starts looking for more details. Also mentioned that D9 is very direct and wavering would not be accepted by her, nor would trying to redirect her work. So, she asked if we had ever talked about why DH was leaving when he moved out. I said that DH had told the kids that he could not live with Mommy and he needed some time and space. She asked if it had been asked after that. I said, yes, once last fall and I had told her basically the same thing, but that I wanted Daddy to come home, too.
C approached these questions in a roleplaying manner, with her as D9. I had a hard time not giggling, as she has D9's mannerisms down pat.
She asked DH what he was planning to tell D9 if she asked why he had left. He got quiet, cleared his throat a couple times, and looked really uncomfortable. Said he did not know what to tell her. She told him that waffling would not work, D9 would expect an answer and he needed to give some thought as to what he plans to tell her and to discuss it with her and I so that we are all on the same page. She said she could tell that we are both concerned for the kids and that neither one of us is looking to tear down the other parent, but that we would have to be very careful about what we tell her.
Then she asked him what he was going to tell D9 when she asked "Mommy wants you to come home, we want you to come home, and we all have fun together, so why won't you come home?" I did not expect that one and let out a big breath, as I knew it would be a tough question to handle. The fact that she said it exactly like D9 made it even harder. DH got even more uncomfortable and again said he did not know how to answer her. C said to him, again, that he needed to think about his answers and we would revisit the questions again soon.
D17's C appointment was a half hour after D9's and I needed to be in that one, so DH stayed in with D9 for her appointment. I do not know what was discussed. T could not have been really awful, though, as DH came back here, we ate dinner together, and he hung out until after the kids were in bed.
D9 told me that she asked DH if he was going with us to the amusement park on Sunday. I know I heard D6 ask him, too. Apparently he lied and told them he has duty, but we would all go again later on in the summer. Part of the reason he is not going, I am sure, is because my mom is going with us.
DH will be over this afternoon. I do not know if he plans on coming over tomorrow. If he does, I think I am going out for several hours. I need to get my nails done and have some other things to take care of and it would be nice to do it without kids in tow
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
