I think my last thread locked and I haven't posted in quite some time. To be honest, I just got so discouraged. I hated reading what I'd written, all the ups and downs and discouragement. I hated seeing how even after some time had passed I still had not detached and was still not successfully implementing DB. So I took some time off the board and then came back on mostly to read for a while. Now I think it's time to post and get back to getting support from and providing support to others going through what I'm going through.
I've attempted to post a link to my last two threads and hope that has worked. Had trouble getting them into my signature, so I'll keep working on that.
So, where are things today? I've had some fun over the past month going to visit family, going to a concert with girlfriends, working out and next week I start a DivorceCare bible study. I don't cry as much and am being a much better mom with my emotions more under control. That's the positives.
On the other side of the coin, had a terrible MC session with H where I threw DB out the window and confronted him with all the stuff about the EA that I have confirmed and told him that it's too cruel for him to want OW, buy stuff for OW then come home to our house, lay in our bed, ML to me, etc. I hit my breaking point and let it all out.
He was so angry he said he wanted to move out and threw his wedding ring and hasn't worn it since. He told me if I'd leave town for the weekend with the kids that he would move out. I did leave town that weekend and the next as well. Guess what? He didn't move out. Then he said he wanted to move to the basement to save $. But he didn't. As of last night he was still in our bed, but things have gotten progressively more tense and last night he got mad and went to the guest room.
I want a good M with H, but as I think over our past, I'm not sure that's possible. He has never nor does he ever plan to forgive me for stuff going back 20 years. He says he can't forgive people, never has been able to. His heart is so hardened and festering with resentment and unforgiveness that I'm not sure he can love himself or truly love anyone else.
I want to stand for M, but I think he's cake eating. So, I think what's best right now is to encourage him to move to the basement until he can find an apartment so he can be on his own and see if it's what he really wants and I can get on with my life. Right now he's still too much in control - being there when he wants and not when he doesn't, no responsibility for kids, having laundry done by me, bills paid by me, meals prepared by me, etc., etc. Other than work, he has no responsibilities at all right now.
Anyone have thoughts on how to keep a PMA, not discuss R and yet stop cake eating and get H to leave?
Me 39 H 38 T22/M15 S11 S7 EA Confirmed 3/11/09 Sep Weekdays Only 4/09
