She is evaluating her life, you have the chance to do the same thing right now.
Are you saying that a MLC is a person taking an "evaluation" of their life??? Are you saying that Stuck should have a MLC and evaluate his life like his wife did? And it is a good thing???
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All of the things she has accomplished in her life are important to her, she is however at a point in her life where she has accomplished what she first set out as goals in her life and now what's left?
She has done what she thought would take a life time to accomplish and thinks that she has nothing left to accomplish: is this all there is to life? Just because you are satisfied with the status quo doesn't mean she is or ever would be? Maybe she thinks that you require that from her and it's a very unfulfilling life she has to look forward to.
What are you talking about? What are you basing this on? Most people have set goals in life, but when we reach them, we don't decide to freak out, have an A and ruin a M and fmaily.
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MLC or not, it's hard to look at life that way.
Yes, well, some folks have to go on with life, right? Depends on where your standards and values lie. Each person has the choice to make the most of their life and to be happy or miserable. They can lose themselves in a MLC and destroy an entire family, but IT IS NOT A GOOD THING AND NEVER WILL BE! How can you say that?
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The OM represented a new life, a new adventure, new challenges, new everything and she wants some excitement in her life and unfortunately with the way you act, you don't offer her that much excitement: use the night of going out to dinner and watching that show as an example: you said it yourself, nothing to talk about, she never laughed, very quiet, etc. Sounds like someone who is so bored with their current life that they are slowly dying inside because of it.
So now you are blaming Stuck for his W having a MLC?? Well, then I suppose I had a right to have my EA and "crises" as well b/c you would certainly consider my H as being "boring" if you thought Stuck's night out with his W was that way. Thank you for setting me free of that guilt and putting the blame on my H. All this time I have taken responsibility for my own actions when it was his fault. I knew it was all along! I had blamed him for years for my unhappiness in our M and thought I could have done better. I especially resented him and allowed that to build into an unhealty state of mind and made me ripe for an EA when other circumstances entered our lives to add to my lonliness (which, of course, was my H's fault, too) and I found excitement with OM over the Internet and thank God b/c man was my old H one boring sucker. I felt like a million dollar baby when I was on cam with my OM and we were getting it on. Too bad my H caugt me in the act and nearly had a heart attack that night. Oh well, his bad..........as long as I know that it was okay for me to find something more satisfying and exciting in my life, then I'm good to go! Thanks to you Robx, men and women everywhere will feel free to abandon the M and go have an A and know that it doesn't hurt to throw in a MLC while they are at it. After all, you said a MLC is a good thing, right? Hey, let's all go promote having a MLC party and see how many we can get to partake. Who cares if those old boring LBS get hurt......they deserve it for not being more and showing us a great time in life!
Don't be mad Sandi.
These relationships are comprised of two people and I would never condone one person taking responsibility for all the problems (unless that person is an alcoholic, drug addict, physically abusive person, etc.).
Since there is dual responsibility in a relationship, that means that the responsibility of making it & keeping it great rest on both people involved.
As much as I can blame my wife for her actions, her PA/EA, because those are her actions. I can also blame myself for being a mouse instead of a man, exhibiting wussy, supplicating behavior and never setting boundaries for how she could treat me. Those behaviors killed the attraction in our relationship, changing myself and those behaviors made me attractive again, not just to her but to myself as well - it's like being in the "zone", you know when it's just clicking right: you're confident, you feel great, life is good because I'm making life good and I was the one who forgot that and I can't blame anyone else but me.
As far as the WAS and their affairs (PA or EA or both), those are there actions and they are responsible for them, but instead of labeling a person as a bad person, I would just call those bad decisions & bad mistakes: we all make them and the smart people are the ones that know how to learn from them and benefit from their mistakes by moving forward in a positive direction.
If I can see & understand that exhibiting unattractive behaviors kills attraction, then I understand that exhibiting attractive behaviors creates attraction.
I love these forum posts, as they can get animated and that's good, it means we're all somewhat invested in the end goal which is ultimately a great life whichever way it unfolds. How that works for me is to stop focusing on the obstacles that are in the way of achieving my goals.
Another thing I want to mention is that MLC isn't a conscious decision someone makes and says "today I'm going to start my MLC". It's a part of the natural growth process in every human being, if it manifests in a horrible & ugly way that hurts/kills relationships or if it manifests in a slightly less destructive way isn't up to anyone. We can only control our actions and when we realize that we can only control ourselves and let go of the need to control others, we experience a fair amount of freedom because of this.
Dating isn't a bad thing, I'm not going to believe it is especially when you're separated from your spouse and based on all the reading & research I've done: it's a powerful method you can employ in getting your spouse's attention when all other methods fail.
As for advocating leaving a marriage and having affairs, don't be silly, I never said anything like that and will never say anything like that. For the record, people started having EA/PA affairs long before I got wise to this site and started learning more about myself and this process.
I do however advocate picking yourself up from the ground where the WAS has left you, I'm all in favor of building confidence, rebuilding self-esteem and becoming an individual again because those are all attractive behaviors that many people lose & stop developing when they get into relationships and in the case of your spouse having an affair on you, I'm in favor of a person getting the guts to go out & date & meet new people and learn what it feels like to meet new people & develop courage to do things like this. It also communicates to your WAS that you won't sit at home waiting for them to come back from their affairs - doing this only communicates that you are pathetic & weak and validates a WAS's mindset & thought process about you. In their minds, they have top dollar value while you however aren't worth a few cents: that's their perception of you. When you increase your value and their perception of you changes, that's when things change in the relationship.
What are you talking about? What are you basing this on? Most people have set goals in life, but when we reach them, we don't decide to freak out, have an A and ruin a M and fmaily. 
and showing us a great time in life!
