Thanks for checking on me. I have been hesitant to post..
Things appear to be going very well with hubby and I. But, again I say appear..because will I really ever know what is in his head?
We are good together and good friends..always have been. So, when we are together, everything seems right and feels natural.
We had our weekend out of town where we took the kids to the ocean. We had a fantastic time. It was great to give the kids a positive memory! I even had a talk with my 14 y/o....( she always said things felt wierd around dad now) I think she is softening up and enjoying being around Dad also... not as much tension for her... I think he is reestablishing a bond with her. Not that it was really broken..but she struggled with all the emotions I had over the affair and doesnt like turmoil..just wants it all to go away.
So, coming back after a fun filled family weekend was hard for me to just say goodbye..and him go to his house... I feel like I never know if that was it...I'll wake up Monday morning and get a Im done call..ugh.
Then last weekend was his 40th birthday... We went out with friends on Friday..his bday and had a great time. I actually stayed home from work Sat.. we spent the day together..as a family.. took the kids to the park. He stayed all weekend again..felt just like it should.. like old times.
Sunday I worked.. He did all the yardwork with the kids..then went golfing. When I got home from work I cooked up a BBQ and we had a great cookout with friends when they were done golfing.
Seems trivial..but these are things we always did in the past.. Very nice.
I think for me.. I struggle with the unknow of if there is contact with OW. I had asked him to block her number from his cell after her last psycho rant and texting to me..
He did get frustrated with me ..said why bother..she knows both his work cell number and his work land line number..so why am I pushing that issue. Plus I have no access to his phone anymore.. he gets his own bill. I know for him this is a control issue.
He is in his own apartment to take control of his life..not go back and forth from me to her...
So, what do I do? I have no proof..just have to trust..he tells me its his job to make all that go away. So do you think he is nice to her..does she call every now and then? I personally dont think she deserves to be able to call him..cry..bitch him out..or whatever she does. (I know for a fact she screams and bitches at him..my employees hear her on the phone..and come tell me..you should hear her screaming at your husband! How humiliating!)
We are making great progress... he did tell me yes he was in love with me..I had to ask..after being told..i love you but im not in love with you..you do wonder..
I hope those are truthful words.. I do worry that its the package..house kids wife that he likes... I want him to only want to be working on us because he cant live without ME. Is that an ok want?
What progress am I looking for to feel secure? What are we lookin for to be healed? How will we know he wont do this again? How long will we live seperate? I dont want to live seperate..we are a family and should be in the same home.
I guess I look for a sign of closure of all the negative crap.. I think the answers to alot of my anxiety are within his head.. I still feel maybe he is holding something back..because if its his job to make her go away..isnt she gone..? ya know what I mean. Im sure he told her he loved her..but he has told me he does not love her... how could he..lol I read on here how if your patient..the OW will burn their own bridge..well she has..she is crazy... has called the cops on him..screams and yells and tried to control him...hehe She is a child with low self esteem..always making poor decisions! Again.. I am putting alot of faith and trust into the man I love..I hope to not get screwed again. My heart cant take it. He tells me all day every day he loves me.. I do like to hear it...
Trying to stay patient..
ill be back later..gotta run my daughter to school
