John, Although you do not have enough proof for her CC to punish her you do have enough proof to go to your CC and as a minimum he can chat with the major and if needed the major's CC and have a no contact order imposed...to be most effective you should consider this today...before she has time to spin her tales at work about you being abusive, etc.
Again, if you want to try to save this marriage you must first expose and end the affair.
Although I am VERY pro-marriage your W has stepped over the line in regards to her obligations to you, daughter, and the USAF. She has compromised her morals to the level that I wonder why you would consider staying with her although I do know that love is blind and it hurts. They say the one who loves the least controls the relationship...she is controlling you and stopping you from any type of action because you are afraid she will leave/divorce you...
With everything you have the only thing I see left is who will pay for the divorce...if you can get her to pay then it is to your advantage to file...see your lawyer.
As always, take care of your daughter, find something to do, no fighting, no arguing, always act as if your conversations are being recorded and your emails are going to her lawyer.
Have you done the things you need to do to separate yourself from her? Packed up her stuff, removed pictures, etc...and no drinking...you need to always be there for your daughter. This will end...
