We are smart enough to know when someone needs more help then a web site can provide. Either because we personally have experienced similiar feelings or know people that have. We are NOT PROFESSIONAL COUNSELORS that do this for a living. We can only share with you our own experiences. You have painted a very bleek picture of yourself on this board that is very concerning to us. Lucky for you we do care and want to help. But like you know God helps those who help themselves. You REALLY NEED to start HELPING YOURSELF by listening to these concerned people on this board instead of taking the bits and pieces that YOU feel YOU WANT to do. Stop doing what you have been doing. Stop making excuses. If you tell us that you've made over 50 calls to different counseling agencies and still have not found anyone then that would be different. Have you?
About your WAW not filing. I can understand you excitement. To feel like your prayers have been answered. Maybe they have. Maybe God threw you a rope, but now it's up to you to do what everyone on here has been suggesting you do and "climb that rope". I know that's confusing especially when everyone on here is always saying "drop the rope"
Keep on truckin man! Forget about what YOU THINK YOU should be doing. Try "standing on the shoulders of some of these amazing giants" that we are ALL so blessed to have volunteer their time and experiences on this board.
Lets start with seeing your list of both short and long term goals.
