Over the Shock and GALing 4

[Thinker]

So here is something I'd like some feedback on: More Fear and Uncertainty in the Gray Zone...

My W is writing a book. She started working on the proposal several months ago, has that finished, and is now ready to really dive into it. This is a really good thing for her - right up her alley, perfect for her as a way to step back into her field after being a SAHM for a long time, etc. As her H, I support the idea fully.

But I know that in her mind, I am not fully her H. She is not committed. She is not in love with me. She would leave if she felt she could.

And now the book has reached a point where she has to commit to it and really begin working on it. This is going to mean significant expenses toward the book - both direct investment and in the form of increased childcare since she needs to establish regular hours to work on it. Since W has no significant income right now, this would all come out of the family budget (ie my salary) or our savings. It also means that a larger portion of the evening weekend child and home care responsibilities are going to fall on me because she will be tied up. So if this book get's written, it will be because I have invested a lot into it as well. It will mean giving up some of the freedom, security and GAL activities that I now have.

Now if the M were solid, stable and committed I would have no problem with this. She has supported me when I was working on start-up business ideas and had to work long hours. It is only fair that I now support her. In fact, I would see it as investment in the future prosperity of the family.

But I have the nagging feeling / fear that I am being used; that she expects me to support her on this - giving time and money and providing a stable base for her so that she can focus on it, while all the while she is just waiting to get it launched and tie up a few other loose ends in her plan so that she can drop the next bomb on me.

This probably ties right into the biggest fear I have here in Limboland: the fear that I am being used.

So right now I am supporting her fully - taking time off from work so that she can attend meetings with publishers, working with her to find ways to afford additional child care, helping her directly when I can, etc.

but I need to find ways to either a) reduce and deal with the real risk to myself, or b) just face and deal with the fear of fear.

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I'm open to any feedback or suggestions.