WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 10

[confusedinpa]

You feel like crap because you miss your wife, and your marriage is up in the air right now. Maybe she had to get out and cut off all communication (except regarding the kids) so she could start processing the TONS of emotions that she has to deal with now. Maybe she needs TIME and SPACE. Give it to her. This takes longer, A LOT longer than we want it to. That's where PATIENCE come into play. If you're committed to your wife and your marriage, back off and give her the space and time that she NEEDS. It's hard, and it feels counterintuitive, but it's absolutely necessary when the situation warrants it. Don't despair, and don't give up. Love her, honor her, and cherish her by giving her the space and time that she needs. Look at it that way, it might help you. Sometimes they can't even start to heal until they are away from us, and communication is practically not there! Keep working on yourself, focus on your kids and your job. What's to lose by going this route? Detatch, and 'drop the rope'.

Antlers

Thanks for the support. It's just so hard to do nothing. But then again, doing nothing is actually something to do.

Now I'm not saying I'm sitting idle and doing nothing with my boys and I, but I'm talking about relative to my wife. I have to break my habit of being the fixer. I can't fix this alone. My wife needs to help me fix it. If she doesn't want to help, there is nothing I can do other than work on my end (which is me and my boys).

There are moments where I think she has given up after Sunday nite's call, but then again, she filed for divorce. She gave up back then. She saw a lawyer to draw up the papers. She gave up back then. She made the decision to see a lawyer. She gave up back then. She gave up when she moved out. She gave up when she stopped going to marriage counseling. She gave up a long time ago, I need to remind myself. This is not new news.

This is still crap, but it does hurt less when I know there are people here who support and believe the same things I do.