Loosing Sleep

[BeingaBetterMan]

Since I was notified that my wife was detached years ago,and that she loves be but is not in love..this was 3.20.09 , I have done everything from cry to beg to change, to read every book, do a 180. I have tried to be her friend, work on myself, serve in our church, exercise like a madman, help the homeless, learn the guitar, become her friend, etc. all the stuff in DR. Although I feel better about dealing with this, she is feeling worse, mainly guilt stricken, for the pain she caused me, and possibly because she is thinking about leaving. She and I are going to counseling, which is good. She is in a self discovery mode which is good also. She can't sleep at night trying to process all of my changes and dealing with her own decisions. For 10 years we have struggled to feel connected, sexually. For me it was due to her weight gain, and for her well naturally she knew that I had a problem feeling attracted to her. As she and I went through life. 2 boys, jobs moves, layoffs, financial issues, I have grown to adore her and love her so deeply beyond the physical. But the damage was done, we got used to coexisting, until she could not take it any more. She met an old boyfriend on Facebook, that said that he could care less that she was 40 pounds over weight. She said her heart flipped as you can imagine, and then the begining of the end started to unfold for us. We are great friends parents and we have been great lovers. I am finding hard to believe that this can't be overcome. But my wife is so sensitive, so seperated, so detached, so much in pain, she has done little since March to better herself esteem, or self worth, she is waiting for her heart to change, but as you can imagine it can't until she decides to do something about it. I miss her so desperately, but want to give her space most importantly. I am learning patience, which is good, but every new thing I learn and change for the good seems to make my W feel more guilty that she cannot give me the love I deserve.

What do I do??