WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 10

[confusedinpa]

So it's official - I believe yesterday was the first day since she moved out that she didn't call/text/email or anything.

I hurt and I'm anxious, but it's not as bad as I thought. Perhaps I'm begining to get resentful of what she's doing to tear apart our family and everything we built up.

This is where she does have some MLC tendancies. The home and family, which is what we had talked about before we got married and had children, was a dream for her. Suddenly she calls it all a fraud and is walking away. I know the part that we missed, which is the most important for her, was to feel loved by her husband.

I'm not beating myself up on it. I've appologized for it countless times and am done appologizing for the past. I'm just facing the reality.

I am still hopeful to save the marriage, but it seems to be sucking so much away from me right now. Who know's what she's thinking or going through. I know I can't waste any energy away to guess. I can't figure her out nor does she make sense to many people here.

Perhaps she finally shifted to full blown WAW mode of no contact and emotionally moved on. Perhaps that's what the call on Sunday nite was all about.

Either way, I'm going to continue to work on me and preparing for a great future for my boys and I. I still want my wife back with the family, but either way, we will be fine

Thanks for listening to my ramblings. I'm just a little down this morning, but am fighting myself from slipping to far....

I do have some get a life stuff going on, lunch with a friend today, one of my buddies and I have been playing phone tag to set another outing up, I'm still going to church and have to do more reading for my small group. I have the boys for the next 2 nites and they are SOOOOO excited to be home with Dad.

So many positives, so why do I feel like crap.....