I just called and confronted her! I must be feeling manly tonight. Caught her off guard I think. I said I'm pissed that you think you can talk to D about household chores and bitch at her when you aren't even raising her. She said, you're right, I'll stop. I said, I'm also pissed that you continue to lie to me about the OM. She said, excuse me? I said, yeah, BTW I even know who he is. She said, really. How do you know this? I said, that's not important, the important thing is that you're still doing it and it's not acceptable. She said, fine, I'm going to go ahead and file. I said, I think that's a great idea. She said, really? I said, and from now on, you don't need to call me anymore either. Additionally, you're not welcome in the house, we'll meet somewhere to transfer D between us and if something is up w/ D we can converse via email. She said, so you're not gonna talk to me anymore? I said, you got it. She said, well, if I have to choose tonight, I want a divorce. I said, you're the one who brought up the divorce, not me. She said, well, it's like this, I'm scared to get a divorce and I'm scared to come home. I asked, why are you scared to come home? She said, I think you'll hold stuff over my head. I said, like you're infidelity? She said, yes. I said, well, so now you're telling me again that you've had sex with other men? She said no. I said, which is it, yes or no? Why do you continue to lie to me? She said yes, I've had sex w/ other men. Ok, I said, why are you still seeing the OM? She said, I'm not. I said, ok, I have to go. She said, no really, I ended it. I asked her, how am I supposed to know if you're lying or not and based on what I know, I think you are. She asked me what my intentions were. I said, intentions about what? With the information that you think you have. I said, oh, I don't think I have it, I have it. She said, well, what do you intend to do. I said, you know, I don't think that you should be asking me questions like that at this point. These are the type of questions I may answer for my wife but you are choosing not to be my wife at this point so I don't feel obligated to answer them. She said, you're going to be mean, nasty and vindictive aren't you? I said, you're basing that on what? I said, I don't think you can say that I've ever been that way toward anyone. She said, If I came home, how do I know things would be different? I said, you don't know, because you've refused to come home thus far. She said well, I don't know what to do. I said, well something needs to happen and it needs to happen fairly quickly because I don't intend to continue like this very much longer. She said, what's that mean? I said, like I said, you don't get to ask me questions about my intentions anymore. If you divorce me, you know enough, you know how things will be. If you want to work on our marriage, you need to let me know.
This went on for a while. She kept me on the phone. I shook her up I think. She ended the conversation by telling me to have a good night? Whatever.
This could get more interesting. I feel better having made that phone call. I hope I shook her up.
thoughts????
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
I'm sorry. The only thing different in that conversation was you telling her you know who the man is. Same result as any other conversation you have with her... She ends it, leaving you with a sliver of hope, AGAIN!
God! I could just smack her upside the head!!!!!
Stick to what you said to her about NOT talking to her anymore, email about your D, arrange somewhere to meet her... She will CONTINUOUSLY do this to you and that precious D.
I'm praying for you.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
It's a good thing that you stuck up for your D like that. Your W is scared because now you have the control over the sitch. Let her stew on it for awhile. Since she's with OM right now, think about what's going on.
He's probably telling her things like "it'll be okay" "your H is not going to do anything", etc. That's why it's imperative to have her break from him.
Only problem is that once you have control, do not give it up or yield it too easily. She might come back very remorseful, go to C, whatever, then do it again 3 months from now when things clear up because she is reacting to fear and not a conscience choice.
IF she decides to come back (which I think she will), are you REALLY going to be able to not hold this over her head? Are you REALLY going to forgive her? Those are the things you have to think about and it's going to be a harder road than the one you've travelled so far.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
You are still waiting for her to determine your fate. Whether she comes back (blech) or not, you MUST fix this within yourself. You are discounting yourself, you are not showing your daughter that you are a whole man. I hope that your C is seeing this and helping steer you into the light. Time to realize that you are a whole person standing on two feet. You don't need anyone to make you valid or whole.
Fog or not, your W is only concerned about HERSELF. She would be coming back to you out of FEAR of losing face with her career. It has nothing to do with loving you and wanting to be a mother to her daughter. Why do you want that for yourself or for your daughter?
I think that YOU are just as addicted as she is. It's no good. Please look at your daughter and wake up. You've allowed too much damage to be done to her -- you get to own that, no matter what your W has done.
Please, please, please stop this rancid situation and provide a wholesome life for your daughter. Drop the rope, cut off all ties, expose, and go to church and confession. You need to cleanse, man.
The convo went well although it should have ended half way through. Once she admited to having sex with other men while married you should have just hung up. Especially once she asked "what your intentions are???" She's just fishing to see what you know and what your going to do with it. Emotionally she appears checked out. She needs to know you are serious about wanting a divorce. If she wants it it doesnt matter what you want. Hold your ground. What do you want? Dont you deserve someone that wants to be with you and can appreciate you? She obviously is to into herself to do that. Take care of you and your daughter first.
John, in your shoes, I would be wishing she didnt say she wants back now. She is so far from being committed or from having a sincere change of heart I think that scenario would be the most nerve wrecking, hurtful one of all for you (and your D). I am sorry to say I still believe she is only buying herself time. She needs a much greater shock to get her thinking than a convo like that. Be strong, Kalni
Fog or not, your W is only concerned about HERSELF. She would be coming back to you out of FEAR of losing face with her career. It has nothing to do with loving you and wanting to be a mother to her daughter. Why do you want that for yourself or for your daughter?
Fog or not, your W is only concerned about HERSELF. She would be coming back to you out of FEAR of losing face with her career. It has nothing to do with loving you and wanting to be a mother to her daughter. Why do you want that for yourself or for your daughter?
