All I was saying (without much eloquence apparently, lol!) is to use the meds properly to get you over the hump but dont make them a way of life. The Xanax is a tool (and very effective for many people) to use until your long term meds kick in. But please do go to counseling so eventually the meds can be eliminated and you will obtain the proper emotional tools to handle whatever life throws your way. It wont be a slow or easy process.
Now, what you need to focus on (IMO of course) is solutions. You say you cant afford counseling. Ok, that is understandable. You said the free counseling place has not called you back. I posted three free resources for free or very low cost counseling... have you called all three? What research have you done on your own to find a free or low cost counselor? Have you called the dept. of Health & Human services in Dallas to see what is available to you as far as free or low cost counseling? Have you told your primary dr. of your need for counseling but lack of funds to see if they are aware of any programs you might not know of? I would like to see a detailed list of how you will go about finding counseling you can afford. And dont just make the list but execute it and once you do execute the list and if a solution doesnt pop up you will need to make a new list with new and creative solutions.
Hey, what about calling the guidance counselor at the school your kids go to and asking him/her if they are aware of any free or low cost adult counseling options. It cant hurt and its just another possible solution.
Goals are good but executing them and finding solutions is the real key. And sometimes you need to be really creative to find a solution. But that will give you confidence and make you less needy and show you that you can thrive on your own.
I am hard on you because I was right where you are at one time and it almost killed me physically and emotionally. If I can help ONE person not go through the hell I went through, well, that would be great. IRL I am pretty soft spoken and I have lots of compassion but sometimes you just have to be tough. Contrary to popular belief - I am actually a nice person that cares a whole lot
