First thing is first: GAL and cherish your S9 and D5. They need you more than anything right now. Take complete care of yourself. Remember the good times you had with the W. They are there somewhere deep down inside both of you.
Have faith that you can do this. Reach down deep inside and find your inner self again. You have to understand and accept that you are at least 50% responsible for the state of affairs your marriage is in right this second. I know that this is hard. Real hard. All of us on this board are living what you are going through. We are here to support you. You are not alone.
Change yourself. And I mean real change. Basic changes: Get a haircut, buy yourself some new clothes, grow a beard, whatever. Exercise and start eating right. Get healthy: Physically and Spiritually. Take up a class. Learn a new hobby or pick up an old one. Reconnect with your friends.
Reconnect with your family members if you have lost touch. You need to find yourself again. I’m willing to bet, you lost yourself somewhere and then you lost touch with your mate and then your relationship.
Do 180’s and you will find your inner core. It is important that you change for you, not for your spouse. Be happy. If you have to fake it at first, do it. You will find joy soon. Act AS IF. Do not show anger to your spouse. Agree with her viewpoints. It takes two to divorce. If there is agreement then there is no argument.
Learn to be friends again with your spouse. Try to reconnect. Remember the person you were when you fell in love. Remember the activities you did when you first fell in love and in good times with the relationship. That is what you need to concentrate on with your spouse. This is probably the first thing you lost.
Do not fear. Let go of your fear. Accept your faults and your spouses and just learn to love again. Remember we chose to become married to this person. Remember your vows. In sickness and in health.
You must lead. Your family needs leadership at this moment. Remember to Love your neighbor as yourself. Patience is the key. Patience, Patience, Patience. Stay focused. There is light at the end of this tunnel.
