I have been trying not to touch, hug, or kiss my wife because she needs space. She is hurt because I tried to enforce her loosing weight over the 10 years of our marriage, built up resentment for that, and have hurt her feelings. She is a saint and has loved me never the less. It is this love that has changed my heart, I have not mentioned her weight for over a year but the damage was done and our marriage has been in decline. Recently she was told by an old boyfriend that he would love her no matter what, and how she realized that her heart had not felt like that in a while. I was floored when she told me. and my wife mentioned that she was not sure if she married me for love. I totally understand and for the last 4 months have been on the track to improve my self so that she can see I love her no matter what. I have promised not to beg for another chance, but we do have talks about what went wrong. We are the best friends and can tell each other everything. I am working on church responsibilities, working out, helping the homeless and spending amazing time with my kids. I get fearful that she will not want to be romantic with me, but everything we do together is so building, except there is no physical contact. I know that patience is the key. I am trying not to infringe on her personal space, and giving her all the time she needs. Our councilor says that this can be over come, but my wife is not ready to work on our relationship yet. Any advice would be helpful in dealing with this as I am tired of crying over the possibility that life could exist without me in my boys life, and more importantly in my wife's arms and heart.
ME 43 Her 37 Married 6/98 2 sons 8 and 3 Love em tons Seperated March 20th Her- not sure Me willing to make changes
Be honest with yourself. It's obvious she didn't meet your needs and you didn't meet hers. If she had a weight problem, then maybe she had self-esteem issues. So you saying and treating her the way you did probably hit much deeper than you thought.
Continue to back off a bit and make her feel safe around you again. It will take a long time, and you'll need alot of patience.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
That is probably the most honest answer that I have ever received. i feel that there is much more to this. As her self esteem issues are apparent. She sleeps a lot, has back pain...this is a reason for her....and she always is worried. But I love her and cherish this relationship. I think just backing off completely is the key, and loving her the way a friend would. Thanks for your advice. i really like this site, it is a blessing.
Cheers
ME 43 Her 37 Married 6/98 2 sons 8 and 3 Love em tons Seperated March 20th Her- not sure Me willing to make changes
