Just dropping in to say hi. The Pirate festival sounds fun. I think taking each other or our marriages for granted is why most of us are here. For me anyway I never thought he would ever leave so I definately took that for granted!
Hey Julia, Good to hear from you & thanx for stopping by. I emailed H yesterday, telling him see you tomorrow (today is our D pretrial conference). H emailed back saying he has been going non stop at work, almost went to Boston for work, but remembered he couldn't. Then he asked about going to pirate fest with me this weekend.
Kinda scared & nervous about today. It will be ok though.
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
Update for me, I'm officially divorced! Can't believe it, it's kinda surreal. Congrats, condolences, I'm not sure.
So I waited for my H outside of the courtroom. He showed up & there was one case before us. That lasted for about 1/2 hour. They were done & we were next (only ones in the court room). Odd, but good. My H had to take the stand 1st, answer some questions (some I had to help him with, like how long he has lived outside of the county). My H also said we were only M for 7 or 11 months (couldn't quite hear him). So he was just considering we were M while we were living together. Strange, how the mind works. Anyway ..... The judge had him review documents & he agreed with all of them. Then she asked him if the M was irrevacally (sp?) broken, he said yes, we make better friend & were going to Pirate fest together. Yes, he actually said that .... I think he was a bit nervous. I then took the stand agreed to the paperwork & also agreed our M was broken. the property & debts were divided, like we divided them. My H didn't want me to have any of his debt. She told us we could not marry until after a 6 month waiting period. And that was pretty much it - done - finee!
We walked out of the courtroom. In the hallway I shook my XH hand & said congrats single again (or something like that). He said don't say that I feel sick & we kinda hugged. As we were walking he said, you were right M is just a piece of paper & I was the one who wanted to M. I said I know, I never thought it would end like this. But, I said, this doesn't have to mean it's the end.
I then stopped at the restroom, when I came out, he said he had been counting & that I can't get M until Dec. Then I said, know we are single & can have guilt free debochery. He said he didn't feel like having any debochery.
We were parked in the same area, so kept walking together & chatting. At one point he said that he loves me & that he will always love me. (Ah, how sweet). I was surprised he said that. He has not said he loved me 1st in years. I think, I said, I loved you too back. Then he asked if we could not talk about this (meaing the D) for a week or so. I said talk about what? So we chatted about other things. Sounds like he is thinking of filing for bankrupcy. I said, we could have worked on these things together. i think he knows that, but the guilt was too great for him. We then chatted about his 2 friends. I said, I don't have a lot of friends, but why is it that yours seem to take & take from you & never help or give back when you need it. He said, I don't know. I said friendship is about give & take. Well, it was time for him to go. He said to wish him luck, because they are having another round of lay offs at work tomorrow. We kissed & hugged goodbye, I told him that I loved him & would always love him. He said, hey I said that 1st.
So we still have plans for going to pirate fest, which he meantioned. We just have to decide on which day.
Not sure how I feel .... numb is a good word. Tis, a bitter sweet day.
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
Hey Kenn, Thanks for posting, means a lot. If I were you I wouldn't know what to say either.
The entire day, I was just drained of energy, can't really say emotionally drained, because the ordeal wasn't emotional. Don't really know, just really tired. And tomorrow is another day.
Nighty nite.
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
Hey ((Julia)), In some ways it was hard simply because if we only would have TALKED about these issues, we may have worked them out. But really, I think his guilt over his debts, pushed it this way. One could say it was the noble thing for him to do. I certainly didn't want to add to any of the guilt, it has pararlysed him enough.
I emailed him today saying that I hoped he would still choose to go to pirate fest with me (no R no M no D talk) - just pure fun. He replied back saying he was planning on it & would keep me informed.
His friend/landlord/co-worker got laid off today at work. Told him I was sorry to hear that. So no rent reduction possibility for my XH.
My sister & I helped set up for the festival. Long day, hard work. They sure need to be more organized.
And yes, it will definately be interesting to see where this all goes. A strange path, I have chosen to go on indeed. And yet, I think it was my only path left, well unless I just wanted to say sod it & hate him instead.
Again Julia, thanks for stopping by. Hope you have a good weekend
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
hating .... not good for the home team... good choice!
I am dying to know what happens at a pirate festival... Are you guys even near the water??? LOL!
sounds like fun... Are there tons of people dressed up like pirates? Kind of like when Indianapolis has the Star Wars convention and suddenly thousands of Storm Troopers show up on the streets
Glad you at least get to follow up a bad day with something fun. I can only imagin it. I amm sure that it will be the same for wife and I when it becomes final. You wait around knowing it is going to happen but when I actually does it is sureal I am sure.
so no priate fesitival for me. I am in the Nations Capital sightseeing. Have never been able to come up here and read any of the things in the muesums (eight year olds do that) so I decided I will do that.
Hope your weekend goes well. If you see Captain Barbosa or johnny Depp take a picture for me OKAY?
Hey Kenn, going to DC sounds like a lot of fun ..... hope it was??? If you're on the east coast, then you have tons of pirate festivals to choose from.
Yes, it was by the water, Lake Michigan actually, in a cool little town. Actually, probably not as crazy at Star Wars con. I would say 1/3 dressed up 1/3 half dressed up & 1/3 not at all dressed up.
Yesterday, my XH asked if we could go Sunday instead, because he was child sitting for a few hours for his friend/landlord/ former co-worker. Also my XH wanted to see the pirate parade which was today. So I said, whatever day works for you. So yesterday I went to pirate fest with my sister. By the time pokey her got ready it was pretty late & we only went for a few hours. Crappy weather, but nice to dress up & go for a few hours anyway.
This morning I didn't hear from my XH, so I called him. He had no phone minutes left. About an hour later he shows up, in no pirate garb, not shaved, nor showered. I was totally surprised, because, well, he used to love dressing up for these things.
He was in a bad mood, so had some coffee & a smoke & vented to me. Let's see, so my XH Saturday consisted of free child sitting of 2 unruly children, Going home & trying to get the lawn mowed (which he doesn't get any rent deducted for) & trying to do it before it rained. Then a co-worker stopped over, so he didn't get the mowing done because it then started to rain. His BMF called him, probably to tell my XH his problems, then his "friend"/landlord called to tell of his problems. So my XH had no phone minutes left. Today XH got up early & finished the lawn & thus didn't have time to get ready.
After my XH finished venting, I gave him a hug. He said thanks & that he was feeling better. And that, he knew I would understand his bad mood & not take it personal. That is true, because I do know him. The annoying part about all of this, is that his "friends" that are venting to him, even if they are down on their luck are 10 times better off than my XH is. So really, they have nothing to complain about. I told my XH I feel bad for them, but I do not feel sorry for them. They all have more education & more property or richer families that my XH or I have. So it's hard for me to have a pity party for them.
So I was going to wear a sexy pirate outfit, but since my XH didn't dress up, I decided to wear, what I wore yesterday, which was a more authentic pirate. (As most girl pirates didn't dress like whores - they dressed like men). We got there, browsed through the shops, saw the pirate parade, which was pretty cool. Then we had a drink & a bite to eat. We also saw a fire act, a few bands & a militia demonstration. Then we browsed the shops again, I bought him a mace & myself an anchor wall hanging. We saw my sister & a friend of ours. My XH shook my sisters hand & then gave her a half hug (which was nice). My XH & I chatted a bit about different things. No R, no M, no D talk. I told him he needed to start putting himself first, instead of all of his "friends", who don't give a sh*t first. He agreed. I said to him, joked to him, that I probably couldn't go a day without giving him some advise & that he was probably tired of it. He just smiled at me & said no.
On the way home my XH fell asleep (I knew he would). Came home, I made us a quick bit to eat. I gave him a cheap phone I bought (hope his phone line works), as it is quite dangerous for him not to have a phone & he doesn't have an neighbors close. I also gave my XH some $$ for a driving ticket he hasn't had the $$ to pay for (& his license has been suspended for). Yep, bad DBing there, do I care - nope. So me XH left, as we thanked each other for a nice time and hugged & kissed goodbye.
All I can say is, I must look like a very appealing friend to him, not because of the money - because, really, I am so low maintenance. No drama, no pity parties from me.
All in all, it was a very nice day together. Six hours together!! We hadn't spent that much time together since before he left almost 2 years ago.
Wow, that was long .... anyone still awake??
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
