Different sitch in that H left with only a duffle bag and has his office here and some sense of entitlement to "our" home. The game has to change but I haven't been able to determine what is in our (kids and my) best interest.
I need to be able to respond the way I have been responding with the distance between us. I need to be able to engage in difficult conversations without going into ego, panic, fear modes.
Is there enough room in your house for separate bedrooms?
Can he sleep in his office?
Kick him out of the master bedroom!
Make it clear that he is now a guest.
Move his stuff before he get's home. If you don't want to shock him when he arrives, then tell him when he is still far away that this is how it is now.
Last edited by Thinker; 06/05/0912:05 AM.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
Also, remember how "very very busy" you are these days: "It's so great that you are going to be back on Monday H, because now I won't need to get a babysitter. You can spend some time with the kids while I'm out. They really missed you!"
There is nothing requiring you to spent time with your H when he gets back - stay away and ignore him, especially for the first few days when it will be hardest foer you!
Last edited by Thinker; 06/05/0912:17 AM.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
He's not sleeping here. However, getting his stuff out would take forever, he has so much sh*t and it would be shocking to our kids, really. I can still set boundaries though. Just need that stick.
What I really want is a nice concise list of what gets my mojo brewing and I suppose I'll have to make it myself. I've gotten so much from all of you. Perhaps I can compile and list here what has worked for me. It is my state of mind that needs calibrating at this juncture. Must maintain mojo generation. Seriously, I've got to resolve my own emotional position regarding H. Then, I believe the communication and necessary actions will flow. It has been working to a degree with the distance between us, I just have to step it up and wear the armor.
Also, remember how "very very busy" you are these days: "It's so great that you are going to be back on Monday H, because now I won't need to get a babysitter. You can spend some time with the kids while I'm out. They really missed you!"
I think I am figuring it out in my case. Think about it for yourself: the romantic part of your R with H is dead, gone. For now ignore your hope that it may come back, and assume it is not going to.
So what is left is a strained friendship with a business partner. You have to work together to raise the kids and coordinate finances, and you want things to stay cordial, so you will treat them politely as a guest, but that's it...
So how do you act whan that person comes to visit?
Friendly, welcoming, professional, polite
But romance, sex, etc would never even enter into your mind...
Not even a consideration!
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
I think I am figuring it out in my case. Think about it for yourself: the romantic part of your R with H is dead, gone. For now ignore your hope that it may come back, and assume it is not going to.
So what is left is a strained friendship with a business partner. You have to work together to raise the kids and coordinate finances, and you want things to stay cordial, so you will treat them politely as a guest, but that's it...
So how do you act whan that person comes to visit?
Friendly, welcoming, professional, polite
But romance, sex, etc would never even enter into your mind...
Not even a consideration!
Awesome except that said husband typically wants to get down my pants. This is, I must say one area that is quite different for most men vs. women.
And, what a mindf*ck it can be...flirty, romantic, enticing...still leaving...so, my resolve must be ironclad.
Imagine Mrs. Thinker starts giving you the vibe, means something, stirs something in you, right? Well, I have to walk the line. I may ALWAYS want H to want me but I've got to keep it cool.
The real question is can you separate your head from your pants, man-style, so that he can get into your pants (if you want that) without him getting into your head? I'd be thrilled to get down WAW's pants but she thinks it's too...something. She can't define it. Personally I think it's because I'm such an astonishingly good lover that she knows I'd destroy her Walkaway Resolve with my mojo.
Oops! Gotta go! That's the phone - they're calling about my deed to the Brooklyn Bridge...
The real question is can you separate your head from your pants, man-style, so that he can get into your pants (if you want that) without him getting into your head? I'd be thrilled to get down WAW's pants but she thinks it's too...something. She can't define it. Personally I think it's because I'm such an astonishingly good lover that she knows I'd destroy her Walkaway Resolve with my mojo.
Oops! Gotta go! That's the phone - they're calling about my deed to the Brooklyn Bridge...
LoF'ingL! The answer at this point is no, I can't do it anymore. I don't know where his thing has been (rock-star's sloppy seconds, yuck). I have exhibited my sexual prowess and if it wasn't enough (come on, that aint enough to come home hat in hand, tail between legs and get to work on R, I don't take it personally) then so be it. But, na, the chase is on. I tried that tunnel and it was cheeseless (ewe...sorry for the visual). Plus, last time we ML, I felt so exposed and weird...it is just kind of crass after a while F'ing someone who is rejecting you and hurting your family...ick. Done. Someone here PLEASE for God sake quote me on that!!!!
Quote:
Personally I think it's because I'm such an astonishingly good lover that she knows I'd destroy her Walkaway Resolve with my mojo.
ROFL (or whatever the heck the acronym is)! I can't take anymore!!!! And if we get coffee, I'm going with iced because I'm sure I'll burn the sh*t out of myself spitting with laughter otherwise!
