GETTING UN'STUCK'

[MrBond]

Hi robx,

thanks for all the responses. While I agree with you about the attractor factor to a point, there is something much more going on in her than just she and I.

The most telling point is the home we live in. She worked her butt off to get it and it was always one of her goals to have a home since she didn't have an actual "house" when she was growing up. However, the minute she decided to leave, she didn't want the house anymore or many of the things she had. She felt like she wanted to shed everything she had before and start brand new.

I've talked to enough people who have gone through MLC to know that it's just something that happens. It's hard for us to understand, but it is something they go through.

Also the way she was treating our Ds whom she adores more than anything in the world. She started scolding them more, being short with them. Something she had never done in the past.

Now what can I do about it. Nothing. Well except in the case of our Ds. When I think she crosses the line, I put my foot down and tell he to back off. When I do that, a flash of understanding comes across her face and she apologizes to them.

When I decided to take her out I did it more to cheer her up like a friend would. Was I disappointed? Sure. Was I hoping for something more? Probably. But at that point we had gotten friendly enough with each other that it was something I just thought was the right thing to do at the time.

Was it too soon? Definitely. Her moods shift from day to day.

So what am I doing so far? Am I going to date? No.

Am I going to stay at home and cater to her? No. I go out often with friends male and female. But don't neglect my duties as a father at home. I have been working out and am actually training to enter a marathon - something I've never done.

Am I worried about my looks? Nope. I still have girls giving me their phone number.

Do I treat my W differently? A little. I still treat her with respect and we talk and get along very well. I act "as if". After all, the one who wants it the least is the one who will get it the most. I give her space, do my own things and stay at being the best father for my kids. I detach so that I don't need her anymore and am no longer walking on eggshells around her. The uncomfortable feeling I got when we were at the show was the last time I would feel like that.

The main realization I got from the OM is that I am and always will be better than him. There's no question about that. Because no one else would have stayed with her after all the stuff she had done to me.

Am I resentful? A little, but I forgave her and moved on. Of course it hurts a bit

Am I optimistic? You bet. Especially in the understanding that IF she left, I'd still be a great person.

I do believe in the attraction stuff you've talked about and have done certain things as a gage. The funny thing is that when I had taken her out to dinner before the show, when she got up to use the ladies room, a couple of women from the table next to us started flirting with me.

I think I had to go through all this to find out what works.