Thanks all for the advice. Things went well today. H greeted me with taking responsibility for the problem he has not yet found a solution to, but promises to take to IC on Sat. Admits he sees that I have found a balance for myself and he hasn't yet.
I also read my alanon mat last night and this a.m. and learned that I cannot take his inventory just need to let him figure things out for himself and just focus on myself. So I told him that I will stay out of his business with AA and just listen to what he tells me. He shares everything with me anyway, he talks to his sponsor and friends in front of me and will ask them questions for me so that part is ok.
Instead of continuing the disagreement or complaining, all was as it should be. I think he was nervous that I would pull back after last night's mini episode, but the reading and his progress has helped me to move forward.
He also agreed that he will attend meetings per his sponsor even if it disrupts our time together for the time being as he knows he needs it and does better that way. Doesn't like having less time with me but knows I need to see him working the program. I thought about going with him but he goes to all closed meetings. But he does want to invite his sponsor and two friends to meet me soon. by the way, did I tell you that his sponsor's sponsor (who is now deceased) was close to Bill W. So I believe he is in good hands. Sponsor has 30 years! he has two other support people who he talks to everyday with 15 and 20 years.
So I am ok afterall. I like that we talked things out, didn't argue,etc. worked them out.
Just as an aside - daughter tells me that her brother and father are talking which is a load off my mind. I am sending son to live with his father this summer hoping that they could work out their R. Sounds like it is working. D says they are talking more than she her dad every did which is amazing because my D can talk 24/7. I also suggested to son that he might try taking one college course while working to finish and he had a favorable response for a change.
