GH31 - Dilemma with my pregnant wife

[GH31]

Hello Saffie,

Great to hear from you again. I took a 5 month hiatus from this board and will probably take another soon as it does wear on me.

Last night W mentioned that she "wants us to fall in love again" and that things need to be "fixed as soon as possible". This morning we woke up at 4am, made love three times then drove into Sydney for coffee before work. I just don't get it - how we have sex, do everything together, take baths together with all of the bad stuff going on in the background.

I know you love this woman, but can you permanently live your life like this. It strikes me that your W has learnt that by behaving like a b!tch you have curbed your temper and improved your treatment of her.

No I can't live like this permanently. In fact in recent months whenever W has tried to test me or bring things up to start a fight I have responded in a brusque way - not inconsiderate or nasty but I have asked her bluntly what exactly it is that she's cross about. For example the other day we lost each other after going to a theatre performance and she rang my mobile to tell me where she was. When I got there she started attacking my character - I was annoyed too but the whole thing was pretty trifling. I bluntly told her "it's a nuisance that we lost each other, tell me ... why exactly is my character under attack?". I have not reverted to my old ways and neither have I pandered or supplicated to her. This has made her settle down considerably.

The more that time goes on, the more I can imagine life on my own. Given the length of time that this has taken, I can see that my wife has major character flaws also and that her own behaviour has been far less than angelic. I have wondered many times whether I exercised good judgement in the first place by marrying her and that makes me sad.

I have to ask this based on your W's prior behaviour....are you 100% sure the baby is yours? She couldn't have hooked up with another man in Australia could she and be using emails to the UK guy as a diversionary tactic?

That's a great question Saffie and one with which I have already grappled. I have snooped through her emails very thoroughly and there hasn't been a time that I've been unable to account for her whereabouts. She hasn't been "acting weird" in a way that would make me suspicious either. I remember you saying once that you would be able to "spot cheating a mile off" after it has happened to you. So, I'm about 99% certain that the child is mine but I will get a paternity test done. In fact, I came home a fortnight ago after a few drinks, sat down on the lounge and casually mentioned to W and her father that I would be getting one done.