A note about romantic comedies: They often tend to perpetuate the myth that women ultimately want a Nice Guy over a Bad Boy. In many such movies, the girl falls for some Bad Boy (*that* bit of chemistry is at least correct), but once he proves himself to be a total jerk, she ends up with the ever-faithful Nice Guy who was waiting for her on the side-lines --> and who might get one manly-moment when he punches, or more frequently humiliates, the Bad Boy at the climax of the movie. This Nice Guy might get the girl in the end, but once the infatuation stage of their relationship is over, their sex life will fall flat: because the sexual chemistry, the sexual *polarity*, between Masculine Man and Feminine Woman just isn't there. The woman will think back fondly to the hot-sex she had with the Bad Boy, but then sigh, and shrug, and figure that that's just how life is with her 'dependable' Nice Guy: he'll just never be able to fire up her engines sexually.
In other words, these movies often pander to women who have made that same choice between Bad Boy and Nice Guy in real life, and tell them that they'll live "happily ever after." In reality, however, unless that Nice Guy wakes up and *finds* his inner Bad Boy and can bring him out in the bedroom, his marriage is doomed in one of three ways: (1) perpetual mediocrity and disappointment, (2) affairs by either spouse, or (3) ultimate divorce when one or the other can't take it any more.
End[rant]
Dear Lord, this is exactly, exactly what I have been thinking. Bagheera, what do you think would be the most effective thing I could do to make progress with myself? I am of course willing to read and learn and work hard and I will continue to do that, but would sex therapy or a particular kind of individual counseling, different from what I have now, be the most effective/expedient? Maybe something else?
I have a TON of work to do here. I only hope that I can hold down my job and hold down the fort here at home while I try to do all this...
ME: 46/W:44 M: 6 years S: 4 Bomb: 1/20/09 SSM 2004-present marital therapy began 2/09 neither of us want divorce.. yet
