OK here's my challenge for the weekend. Not to call my H one time while he's away at the lake! So far so good today. I haven't called him (of course he hasn't called me either).
I need to get back on focus - living my life and enjoying my friends and sons. I'm going to do my best to just be pleasant when he comes home and be as detached as I possibly can.
Have any of you who've been through counseling with your spouse had the situation where one or both of you were angry after a session? What's the best way to handle it? Do you just let things simmer until the next week's counseling appointment.
OK here's my challenge for the weekend. Not to call my H one time while he's away at the lake! So far so good today. I haven't called him (of course he hasn't called me either).
I need to get back on focus - living my life and enjoying my friends and sons. I'm going to do my best to just be pleasant when he comes home and be as detached as I possibly can.
Have any of you who've been through counseling with your spouse had the situation where one or both of you were angry after a session? What's the best way to handle it? Do you just let things simmer until the next week's counseling appointment.
Had an enjoyable weekend. Went out to dinner with my friend Saturday night. When my H came back from the lake - he was back to being friendly and fairly nice again. We actually enjoyed each other's company yesterday.
He told me our friend called him Saturday morning at the lake because her H was coming down there and I guess she was checking up on him. My H said he just listened and stayed neutral. He spend some time with her H this weekend at the lake. It's not looking promising for the two of them to get back together unforunately. I didn't make a big deal out of her calling him because he was very forthcoming about their conversation.
I'm preparing myself today for his typical pattern which is to pull away the day after we've connected. Using my Dbing tecnique of living life and staying upbeat - doing my own thing. I plan on working out after work and just doing my own thing tonight. If engages me great, if not that's just fine too.
Have a good week everyone! Good luck with your Dbing efforts this week!
OK missed my timing. He pulled away a little on Tuesday. At least things are a lot more pleasant between us at home.
I have some friends who I used to work with that I go out with once a quarter and I reminded him that I was going out with them last night. He said he didn't remember that. Anyway it turned out that there were 8 of us (all female) and we had a great time. Looks like this is going to turn into a monthly event.
I also told him that July 3rd is a floating holiday and I've decided to take the following week as vacation at the lake and anyone from our family is welcome to join me. He said we'll have to play it by ear. No matter what I'm going. I so need the break! I just plan on enjoying myself and relaxing. I think my 14-year old will probably go with me. The 18 year old has a new job and girlfriend so I doubt that he'll be able to go.
We have our second counseling session tonight after work at 6 pm. After the disaterous first session last week, I am very apprehensive! I'm interested to see where this session leads us and how he reacts to it this time!
As always I'm open to any suggestions anyone may have for me.
How do you know when you're being played? How do you work through trust issues? My H is not talking to our friend anymore -now her H is calling him (his best friend since 3rd grade). I just wonder how her H would feel if he knew how much time my H and his W had spent on the phone together discussing us (their spouses)?
I want to believe that he's going to try to work on the marriage. Although he's said he's not 100% in yet. We are getting along better. I'm trying not to analyze everything he says (for example - when I told him about my taking time off for vacation and anyone from our family was welcome to join - he said we'll just have to play it be ear).
I also I'm very confused about him still wanting to have S with me. Even being playful and fun about it earlier this week. My attitude is that I'm just having fun with it myself. But I have to admit it is weird when I step back and think about it.
I'm just experiencing a great deal of anxiety about our counseling session tonight? I need your words of wisdom!
That's the scary part. I'm afraid of putting 100% into counseling only to have him faking at trying or let's be honest I'm just afraid of getting hurt!!
2nd session not so bad. He still has a lot of anger. Learned something new from the therapist tonight that anger is a secondary emotion usually related to a primary emotion of hurt, fear or frustration. Makes a lot of sense.
He talked about needing more space so I guess I'm not doing as good a job as I thought I was. Although I find it kind of amusing that he said that because he's been initiating conversation with me and of course s.
I'm still confused about the s issue. I've felt renewed with a new attitude - just trying to improve myself and be happy. I think because of that my s drive has greatly improved. I've been trying to just have fun and enjoy myself. Which he admitted tonight freaks him out a little bit - it's a side of me he hasn't seen before.
However, at our session he also said that home is not comfortable for him. That he was thinking that I'd think less of him last night or be mad because he ordered pizza instead of fixing dinner. Of course I could care less as long as the 14-year old eats! He acts like it's suchtorture for him when I'm around.
Can someone explain to me then why does he initiate s? Is it just to fulfill a selfish need? If I'm so awful, why would he even want to touch me or is that some sick something?!
The last thing he said (yet again) - was that he'd finally made peace with his decision and was done. And when I didn't make it easy for him (he thought I'd just say sure let's get divorced) - I took that away from him! What the H...! The therapist even said no one has taken that away from you.
He said he's thought about moving out just for a break but he thinks if he did that he'd never move back in. At least it's his observation that once people move out they typically do not move back in. So I'm not sure he sounds like he's ready for that. The therapist confirmed that the odds aren't good when someone moves out.
She left the room to get some handouts for us on anger and the 7 deadly sins of conflict and he looks over at me and says so do you want to have s tonight? Laughs a little and says I'm just kidding.
Now I'm the one that's angry (primary emotion all three of the above - hurt, frustration, fear). I think he may have ruined s for me. Not sure I can engage in it with him after the things he's said tonight. Guess I'll see how I feel in the tomorrow. Maybe I need to sleep downstairs tonight!
Session three next Wednesday night. Until then he's gonna get a lot of space!
Woke up this morning feeling like I'm being played with.
I tried to hurry up and get ready and get out of there this morning. He said to me what are you angry about? And I just said I have a few things to work through. His response - whatever!
The anger is coming from a place of frustration and hurt. I did say in counseling last night that I am working on myself to be happy again whether this works out or not. I found it amusing that he said he's trying to improve himself - how? He's still not eating right, not exercising, and I can smell smoke on his breath (he's had two heart attacks)! I don't see him trying to do anything differently with his business or to learn how to grow it! He's working on his short temper - I haven't seen any improvements!
I think the "whatever" response from him this morning has to do with he feels that he's the wronged one in the relationship. He'll say he knows he's part of the problem but actions speak louder than words! I'm really tired of him playing the victim!
Can't wait to workout after work today! I'm going to take my time and have a nice long workout and then go tan. I know I need to act happy and that I'm going on with my life (which I am). I just really don't even want to go home tonight!
