I think this may be what's happening, it's what Mr. Therapist thinks too. Should I put some kind of time limit on this? Greatly exacerbating the problem is that W is so "busy" and preoccupied with to-do lists. I relieved her of housework, dog-walking, etc. to try to help but she just seems to fill up whatever free time she has with endless busy nonsense.
I would advise you to continue learning all that you can, applying what you have learned, working on YOURSELF, and working to meet her relationship needs for at least a year, and then re-evaluating where you stand. There are no short-term or quick-fixes, especially since your problem began almost from day 1, which means to me that the differences are inherent to both of you, pre-marriage.
Originally Posted By: Vigilant1
So far Mr. Therapist has been all about the W. It seems to be all about trying to meet her needs right now, with little to no interest in what I need thus far.
Give it some time -- he'll get to you. Since men are not generally "relationship oriented," they tend to be less aware of problems and make the bigger and most obvious mistakes when it comes to maintaining an R. Also, men tend to be problem-solvers, so it makes sense for the counselor to start off identifying where the man is falling short and then give him a 'assignment' as soon as possible in the process. It lets YOU become proactive, and lets HER vent and flush out some of her frustration and resentment (setting the stage for her turn to take action).
Originally Posted By: Vigilant1
She really likes romantic comedies - her favorite movie genre - so there must be something going on in there. I think in many ways she would like to be swept off her feet, but she is a stern intellectual type in many ways, with a lot of defenses up....
A note of warning (rant?) about Romantic Comedies, V:
They often tend to perpetuate the myth that women ultimately want a Nice Guy over a Bad Boy. In many such movies, the girl falls for some Bad Boy (*that* bit of chemistry is at least correct), but once he proves himself to be a total jerk, she ends up with the ever-faithful Nice Guy who was waiting for her on the side-lines --> and who might get one manly-moment when he punches, or more frequently humiliates, the Bad Boy at the climax of the movie. This Nice Guy might get the girl in the end, but once the infatuation stage of their relationship is over, their sex life will fall flat: because the sexual chemistry, the sexual *polarity*, between Masculine Man and Feminine Woman just isn't there. The woman will think back fondly to the hot-sex she had with the Bad Boy, but then sigh, and shrug, and figure that that's just how life is with her 'dependable' Nice Guy: he'll just never be able to fire up her engines sexually.
In other words, these movies often pander to women who have made that same choice between Bad Boy and Nice Guy in real life, and tell them that they'll live "happily ever after." In reality, however, unless that Nice Guy wakes up and *finds* his inner Bad Boy and can bring him out in the bedroom, his marriage is doomed in one of three ways: (1) perpetual mediocrity and disappointment, (2) affairs by either spouse, or (3) ultimate divorce when one or the other can't take it any more.
End[rant]
With regard to initiating sex with your wife, let me point you to two old posts of mine that may help:
