Stuck - I guess my problem (or one of my problems) is that I don't know if I want him, because I am not even sure I know who this person is. I don't know if I can trust or forgive. I don't know how to even think about figuring all of this out. I didn't immediately kick him out when he told me all of this because I wanted to think about things before just throwing out 11+ years of marriage and burdening my children with the fall-out of that unless I was sure that there was no chance to work things out. So, now I am just not sure how to evaluate whether or not this can possibly work. You're right - I WAS the primary breadwinner; now that I am laid off, I really don't have much in the way of job prospects, and it could remain that way for a while. Another reason I didn't want to make any hasty decisions that could make an already not-ideal financial situation worse.
I am trying to imagine how I could possibly learn to live with H contributing to the support of another baby and spending time with the child. I don't know that I can ever be comfortable with that - not to mention how humiliating this will be for me when our families find out about it. There are just so many issues, I don't know where to start untangling them. Part of me wonders if it's worth trying to untangle them, but I did commit to at least trying Retrouvaille before making any final decision about what I want to do -- communication style differences were a major contributor to the distance that had developed in our marriage (along with my long work hours and stressful, demanding job).
Sigh. I keep hoping that I will get some clarity, but the more I turn things over in my head, the more confused I am.
