Originally Posted By: SoConfused Well, it won't be me that gets hurt if he leaves. Obviously too unbalanced to see that. I'll have no guilt about it. What he chooses is his choice. I won't take any of the blame.
No, you're right, it won't be.....It will be your children that get hurt.
Fairly certain that you don't want that on your plate in ten years.....I wouldn't
That isn't fair to put the blame on her. She can't control what he does. If he chooses to pack up and leave town, she can't stop him. All she can do is be there for her children.
Quote:
SoCo, he is running out of buttons to push, and he is looking for you to reach back and save him, although he wouldn't accept that help anyway. HE has to deal with himself.
You said it right there...HE HAS TO DEAL WITH HIMSELF. She can't save him. It isn't up to her to save him. He has to save himself.
Quote:
Use this time to accept the things that you DID do wrong, cause no one is perfect....So yes, some of the blame is you, sorry to burst that bubble.....
You can't burst a bubble that isn't there. She said she wouldn't take the blame if he chooses to leave and she shouldn't. He is a grown man and make his own decisions. If he chooses to leave his children behind, he has to live with that, not her.
Let me see if you read and disagree with everything I say this week.
I don't recall blaming her.....If you follow the thread, you will see that all anyone has said was to do everything that she needs to do to be able to look herself and her children in the eye one day......and know that she did all that she could for them.
Secondly, I've been the one of the ones telling her NOT to try to save him...
Thirdly, So what you are saying is that she gets to accept zero blame for any marital problems ?
Calling B S on you again.....cause you and I BOTH know that isn't true.....
You of all people know that if he leaves, She will be the one who gets to pick up the pieces in this....
Is it fair ? Hell no it isn't, but who says life is fair....
You know, what we are left with is a by-product of what WE helped create, and the only thing that we can do now is correct ourselves.
It's far too easy to turn the blame around and NOT look in the mirror.
Ultimately, that is our responsibility to NOT do that. And as long as we don't accept any of that blame, we have become exactly what we have been accused of.
I would rather admit the flaws and strive to be better, than to sit on my laurels and applaud not doing the work....
Okay, well, what I mean was that I will not accept the blame if he chooses to leave. I have more than tried to work with him. I have never said that I was blameless in the breakdown of our marriage. I took plenty of responsibility for my part in it. I said it here, let him know, offered to go to counseling with him, and everything else. After years of being unhappy and the cycle we had going, I had turned into quite the ice queen, and have fully admitted that.
I'm also fully aware that it is my kids that will suffer if he leaves. That is the main reason I have tried up until now to be so careful with him and not send him running for the hills. I was concerned about him leaving the kids and concerned for his personal well being. He is not very stable. But, I do feel that if he chooses to leave, I have tried to handle this the best way I could, and that is his choice. I hope he doesn't.
Anyway... I am at a loss right now.
Last edited by SoConfused; 06/04/0909:20 PM.
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
You know what? No matter who had what part in the marriage problems (which we both did and I have fully admitted), we are in the here and now. We are about to be divorced.
I treat him kindly and respectfully, even after everything. But, you know what?? Even if I was the most awful, horrible, b*tch from hell--- there is still no reason to leave your children. They didn't ask for this, they didn't help create it, and you have no right to do that to them. I don't care who/what I was dealing with, nothing could ever tear me away from my kids. I would circle the earth across hot coals a zillion times if I could lessen their pain and help give them a happy life like they deserve.
How can HE just cut and run??? That's what pisses me off. It's not that I think I'm the queen high atop my throne who holds no blame.
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
Hey, first off, Sorry that it seemed like I was really coming down on you yesterday. It wasn't the way I intended it to be.
The kids are the ones who suffer the most, and you are doing a fantastic job of shielding them from his BS. But You and I know that eventually , there will be questions.
I was not disagreeing with everything you said. You and I just have different opinions. I don't think we should ever be on the same debate team... LOL!!!
