Please allow me to say a few things and I *really* hope you think about them long and hard.
#1. Divorce (the actual decree, the paperwork so to speak) is just that - paper. For a very long time now you should have had it in your mind that for all practical purposes you are divorced. You and your W do not share a home, romance, emotions or any sort of connection that is needed in a marriage. She has dabbled in R's outside of the marriage. Divorce decree or not, you basically have been divorced for some time. Yes, the paperwork makes it official but if you look at the big picture, you havent been married for months and months.
Do I think your W simply forgot to file the final decree? No, I do not. My guess is her finances played a roll in it as she has mentioned things are tight for her right now. We could speculate all day but what is the point? Trust me, WAS do not just "forget" to file what needs to be filed and when they dont file there could be a million reasons (lack of funds, guilt, the realization that they will be the ones paying support, waiting fo the children to get more settled, waiting to see if your temp. job pans out so she can avoid support). Like I said... millions of reasons and if I was a betting woman all of those reasons are to serve her and her best interest, not yours.
So, if I were you I would scrap the idea that your prayers were answered. What has happened here is your W didnt finalize most probably for her own self serving reasons. If I am wrong then great but seeing your W's patterns and motives I dont feel I am that far off base.
Nothing has really changed other than her being slightly more civil to you in recent weeks. And yes, that is a positive but it may not mean a darn thing other than she is finally relaxing because you both have your own spaces and you arent around her all the time. IIRC she has been rather open to you about her new friend and that should speak volumes right there (the older man).
Your W needs to be a non entity to you right now. Other than co-parenting duties she simply has to be a passerby in your life. DB isnt always about saving a marriage but its how to save yourself so *you* dont bust as an individual. You still cant be alone, you are still needy and clingy, you are still fearful, you are still resistant to building your own life, you still worry about things that arent a priority right now, you have made goals but have done nothing to execute them and you still base all your actions and decisions on what your W may or may not do.
Think of it this way - if you were in a happy/stable marriage you would not have run off to Florida and left your kids. So, clearly somewhere in your own mind you also behaved as somebody who already was divorced.
As I see it, you are only doing certain things because you *have* to not because you *want* to. You found an apt. because you had no choice and your W did not want you at home. You are going to meetup groups so you can surround yourself with people who are also in your situation instead of trying to find new and positive people. You dwell and chatter and obsess.
About these pills - they are not a quick fix and should ONLY be used to help you combat the physical side of stress and anxiety. They should be used merely as a bridge so when you do go to C'ing you can really focus and absorb and not be sitting there in a state of panic or anxiety. They will help the physical side that stress and anxiety brings out but that is all. You need to do the work. It takes 2 weeks to become addicted to Xanax - ask me how I know. Because *I* was addicted to Xanax and it wasnt pretty. I was on Xanax for 3 weeks at a very low dose (.5mg) taken twice a day and IMO that drug is the devil. I went through 4 days of withdrawal that I dont care to repeat ever. EVER.
Many will disagree and that is fine - but any primary dr. in their right mind that prescribes Xanax or other pills w/o requiring you to see a psych. to monitor these meds in conjunction with a trained counselor should lose their ability to practice medicine. These drugs are NOTHING to fool around with.
I see a psych. to monitor my anti anxiety meds (Lexapro and a beta blocker to slow my heart rate down when I have anxiety). However, I also see a counselor and my psych. and counselor work very closely together. My psych's approach is the meds are the bridge to remove the physical side of anxiety (racing heart and all that goes w/panic attacks), the counseling can only be effective if your body is not in a state of panic, emotional support and some sort of spiritual guidance is his plan that ALL patients must follow.
I dont really want to debate this - I am sharing a very personal experience because I can tell you coming off Xanax was pure and utter hell for me. Combine that with my lupus and well, I was in bad shape for a while.
Do not rely ONLY on the pills - get C'ing and get yourself a good dr. that can monitor what is going in your body.
