d-day coming soon - help !

[misshim]

Grace,

You are right, my focus is on the D-day and how much I will miss him. I get my thoughts confused when he is there. Always watching what I say to him (afraid to offend him). There is alot I'd like to say but in the old days of us I always "talked" from my heart and he hated that.

I've realized that he has felt unloved from his times of being a child. Just last Sunday he was playing baseball w/D4 in our front yard. T-ball and she is really a good hitter! Well, he wouldn't give much in compliments and I was going crazy, cheering, dancing, and whistling everytime she'd hit the ball. D4 was laughing and saying momma is silly. I told H that she is what it's all about. I will give her positive reactions when she tries things. I've always tried to build up her self esteem, she's a child and now is the time to build this in her for her future.

I didn't tell my H all of that (from above) but he was smiling at me being so silly with cheering, dancing, etc. Then out of the blue he says "my parents never, ever came to one of my wrestling meets in school but they always came to his brother's football and wrestling games. I told him that I was sorry to hear that but that is in the past. Now is the time to make sure that doesn't happen to our D4 as she grows. I told D4 that daddy & I will be your cheerleaders, so hit the ball hard. Well she did and with a little elbow in my H side we jumped up and down & carried on to our D4.

I looked at him, and said "see that wasn't so bad, to have fun and be silly and cheer on your daughter, she will never forget it" He just said "yea, guess you were right"

I reminded him to don't let his past get caught up in his future with D4.

His past is really haunting him (from relationship w/parents). Even at his age today his parents aren't affectionate with any of the 5 kids (however, they do love & hug their grandchildren)

In the past when I have been at his parents house, I always hug and give the in-laws kisses. They never quite knew what to think of it. My thoughts were, kill them with kindness. I guess I thought that might work with my H during our hard times. But he just has alot of haunting memories that he will not face. I really think that's why he left. Because WE love him and he can't face that fact because he doesn't know what it is to be loved.