In Utter Agony...Long 1st Post

[eternaloptimist]

EA,

I was VERY concerned to hear on your other thread that your husband bruised you. Can you tell us some more about that incident, or any others? If you'd mentioned this already, I must have missed it.

Concerned,

Puppy

Hi, Puppy. Oh, thanks for checking in. You are so considerate! I'm ok, really I am. My H has never, ever hit me or threatened any physical abuse. Honestly, the abuse I've suffered has only been emotional.

The bruising is on my arms. My H, son and I were at an event only 2 weeks after the EA was first exposed. So I'm still in the PTSD phase of processing everything KWIM? His therapist was there at the event and I knew that I might see her. But I did not pre-meditate doing anything. I honestly went to the event to support my husband and had no intentions of confronting the therapist. I had never met her but saw her picture online. I just happened to see her in the crowd.

When my H saw that I recognized her, H got very upset and had to restrain me very hard from approaching her. (Of course now I realize why since H has come clean about everything.) He was worried that I would do something to get arrested, or so he said. He didn't want me to confront her and get her husband involved. Who knows what an angry spouse will do, right? I watched her from a distance and she was being very overtly sexual, lying with her hands behind her on the ground pushing her boobs out and tossling her hair next to her husband, smiling, and acting very flirtatious with other men too. As I watched her, she flirted with one man after the other and it outraged me. She stood up and coyly dangled her calf and twisted her hair around her finger. It was disgusting. I snapped. H tried to keep me from engaging her in public, so he had to restrain me pretty hard. I'm glad that he did, not glad for the bruising though or what impact it had on our son. (For that, I'm very sad. He thought that his Dad was hurting me. I've since reframed it so that our son knows that Daddy was trying to protect me.)

My outrage diffused back to a healthier level, and I ended up leaving the event, going back to my car, calming down, and rationally coming to the conclusion that I had to go back and confront her in a different way, sans her husband. So I did. I verbally and emotionally vomited all over her and I have no regrets. In person, she said very little to me. She maintained it was a friendship but last time I checked friends don't say that their hearts ache when they are apart! (These were her words in an email.) In hindsight, did I do the right thing? Well, I guess it depends on what outcome you value. At that moment, it felt right to humiliate her in public and let her know that I was fully aware of her blatant disgregard for her professional ethics as a social worker. I did it for ME and now I can move on to healing...

Thanks so much for your concern. I am really ok.