Being p*ssed off is not stooping to her level. Stooping to her level would be if you were just letting her get away with everything. You have stood your ground with her many times. It just seems whenever you do then everyone comes back and fusses at you for doing it. They keep telling you that you need to step back. How far back do they expect you to step? If you keep backing up you are going to fall off backwards.
No, you can't control her reality but you can't let her take yours away from you either. She lives in her own little world and if you don't watch it she will take you with her.
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I let my guard down and failed to maintain my boundaries.
So, how are you going to build your boundaries back up? Are you going to listen to everyone tell you that when she calls you need to be the dutiful xh and answer the phone? Are you going to step back and let her make all the rules as she feels are necessary? I know situations are different but remember, I was and still am in your shoes.
Before the divorce you walked on eggshells hoping that she might just snap out of it and come home. You spent the last couple years being nice to her in hopes that she will see you as a different person than the one she left behind. You let her call the shots and stood back. Did it work? No. Ask yourself, do you want her to come around or do you want her to leave you alone? I am getting mixed signals here. Maybe I have my radio set to XMLC right now but I see you standing on the fence but afraid to jump because you don't know which way to go. In one sentence you are saying you wish she would leave you alone. In the next sentence you say you are leaving the door cracked open. You have to decide which way you want to go or you will drive yourself straight to crazyville.
Before your divorce she had you on the fence because she knew you wanted her back. She could do whatever she wanted because she knew no matter what you wanted her. Even after the divorce your actions show you still want her back which is fine but you need to draw a line somewhere. She will continue keeping you on that fence until you finally say enough is enough. You need to make a decision and jump one way or another.
