Hi VV, Thanks for the kind words. I sometimes feel like I've gotten closer to the other side - though I'm not that certain I've made it there yet. I continue to work on it though, and sometimes find that I still have a few threads of attachment that still tug at me - not in terms of making me want to go back to B - but moreso in terms of holding me back from facing my future head-on.
There's something that's just so unnerving about having a decade of a shared life torn apart - the collapse removes a structure, a foundation for future thoughts and plans, and left me with the harsh reality of how to improve myself on my own terms.
B, despite being the one to leave the home and break up the family, will not respond to any of my requests to go agree to a mediator so that we can get our divorce settled. Just recently she was shocked - literally shocked and even angered - when I told her that I no longer wanted to be her husband, and that I wanted our divorce to move forward as soon as possible. Her response was to say that she wanted proof that I had removed her name from my credit cards...And so I knew that I had caught her unawares and that she had to deflect rather than address a real issue between us.
My boys are both doing well. S12 will be living with me soon for the summer - which will be wonderful - and S2 continues to be a happy, lovely boy with a beautiful sense of humor.
