A new thread, a new outlook.....

[Can it work]

Thank you for your response Sandi

I really needed a pick me up because I'm beginning to get a bit disheartened again with the fact that nothing's going on. I'll try to respond to some key points in your reply...

I did not read all this thread but you said something that made me think perhaps she still like to go out an maybe party??

She is indeed heading out to party fairly often. She's still young and it's what all her friends are doing. I've learned to shut out thoughts of what she may be doing. They weren't doing me any good. I live in a small community and I've certainly not heard anything's going on with her so I'm just taking that as a good chance that there isn't.

Seriously, let me ask you something. When she is gossiping about other women, does she make negative comments about them?

Not excessively so I don't think. It really depends who she's speaking about. It has been known to happen though. I never looked at it as an indication she was feeling insecure though. Interesting concept.

So, if she does do that......I'm thinking that it would be a perfect opportunity for you to inject something about how well your wife does.....(whatever)......or how great she looked at a particular time (be specific).

I do always look for opportunities to do this but to be honest it's difficult sometimes. It's fairly often that when I go round to pick up Wee Man that she's sitting around in her pyjamas. Although I think she looks great no matter what she's wearing, I don't know if she'd believe me if I complimented her for that. I do often compliment her parenting skills for the way she does certain things with Wee Man. Never get any back though!

When together, have lots and lots of pure fun. No dramatics......but lots of laughter and silliness (if she likes to be silly....if not, then don't). I know of nothing better for a R than pure old fashion FUN.

We used to have so much fun together but I do find it a struggle sometimes to make her laugh now. I really try not to let it show but it does feel a bit false to continue acting the fool when it's not getting taken the right way.

You were wondering about asking her out for dinner on her birthday/Father's Day. My suggestion is to think of something that is much, much less formal and risking a chance of tension. Why not a picnic, instead? A dinner or even lunch may be a bit too much to start with. Do you understand what I mean? Always keep the mood light-hearted and fun......unless, of course she is upset about something, then that is the time to listen and validate.

PM came up with a great suggestion of asking her if I could take Wee Man out for lunch on Father's Day and then asking, almost as an afterthought, if she'd made any plans. I have to admit I liked the plan and it's what I was planning on going with.

Does she like surpises? If so, let me know and I'll put on my "thinking cap" and we'll come up with something fun to do.

I would always welcome new ideas. I'm a DAM so these things don't always come naturally to me. I do like what I did for her b-present though (from Wee Man, not from me). I had a fantastic black and white photo of Wee Man sleeping and he looks so cute in it! Anyway, I got it made in to canvas for her. I know she'll like it. Hopefully it won't be so much that she looks at it as pursuing though.

First of all......you know you MUST look extremly HOT every time she sees you for those 5 minutes....right?

This is something I definitely try to do every time I see her. Somemes I pick up Wee Man straight after work but that's ok because she always said she thought I looked completely hot in a suit.

Kev, I used to think the two of you would have a good chance at rebuilding a life together and I still do. It took time for her to just now get to this place where she is barely allowing you a bit of her time. So, can you be strong and patient enough to give her more time and take things slowly? I think you can.

I think I can too Sandi and thank you for thinking that my W and I can still have a life together. Sometimes all it takes is for someone to say that to make it seem a little bit more likely.

I will check back with you, and let me know what you decide about the birthday dinner. If you still want to do that.....I would strongly suggest a very "family friendly" place to eat so it will not seem formal and therefore put any stress on either of you.

It was always going to be a very informal, family friendly place. After all, this is a quick snack lunch to enjoy some time on Father's day with my son. I never thought it was going to be a chance for a nice romantic meal for my W and I. Anyhoo, she may just say no. I'll not have to worry about where to go then!

Kev