I was supposed to get divorced tomorrow - part 2

[1853dave]

Well, it's been a few days since my last post -

Things have been going ok. Still not any change, or maybe I am not seeing it. Or afraid to acknowledge it. I took a few days off this week while my sister was in town. So, I did something with the kids every day from Friday through Wednesday. Last week was D9's last day of school - they had a pool party at the Elk's Club, and I went - it was a lot of fun. W did not avoid me, but didn't exactly stick next to me the whole time either. But, we did have a picnic with the class afterwards, and we all sat together as a family. The next Saturday was D9's dance performance (with her hip-hop / modern dance group) - which was actually pretty good, even though I don't normally like that stuff. It was really entertaining. I had D4 for the day while W and D9 attended the dress rehearsal, etc. We showed up at the performance as planned, and W had saved me a seat right next to her (!) - I thought that was big, because in the past she would nest herself in with her friends, and I would have to sit with D4 elsewhere. We did talk with each other, and had a good time. It was almost like being a family again.
I had some interaction with W as I had the girls each day thereafter - and it all seemed positive. She has been pretty cooperative, and she does call me to make sure she'll have the kids ready if I am going to pick them up. I still feel as though I have to have permission to have the girls, in a way, but she is also being more liberal with the time... Even last Friday when D9 had friends over for a sleepover, where they have pizza and movie night, I inquired if I could take D4 out for a bit. In the past she had always declined my offer, having some excuse...but this day she said 'sure', and I took D4 out for a couple of hours.
I have to admit I have been doing some pursuing behavior lately. Not much, but I have been touching her at times. Sometimes in conversation, sometimes it is a pat on the arm when I am leaving, saying goodbye. She doesn't seem to be afraid to sit by me, but I need to be careful to cut that out. The other day we were sitting together and I commented on how tan she was, and asked if she was using sunscreen (we're pretty outdoorsy and in the sun a lot). I touched her forearm as I was asking her and she replied in a normal way, but as she did, she suddenly got up to get a drink of water. I realized I had touched her and before I left a few minutes later I apologized...that I realize I touch her sometimes, and it is natural to me and I am trying to stop. She said, "Oh, you're just a "touchy" person - well no, not like that kind of 'touchy'..." She laughed as she said this. She was very pleasant about it, and seemed to downplay it, as though she didn't really want to hurt my feelings.
So, I am now several days into having not touched her - at all - and we'll see if that changes anything. What a stupid game to have to play, it seems. Sorry, but even something as a casual touch is something I have to really monitor now.
I guess I should spend some time and take stock. She seems to be avoiding me less. She does communicate somewhat better. We have actually have a few occasions where we did stuff like a family, even if it seemed incidental to me. She did go on a date of sorts a couple of weeks ago with me (the walk to the coffee shop).
I've just started my 8th month of separation. It still sucks, but it sucks just a bit less. The court's D date is set for the second week of October. I'm afraid my time is running out. I really hope that she changes her thinking in the next 3 months... She has not mentioned it in a while, even though she does occasionally drop a comment which seems to indicate that I will be still on my own next year, or about dividing up property, and that sort of stuff (although it has been a few weeks since the last comment).
I think maybe taking stock, really picking out what seems to be working, and keep doing what works, is what I need to focus on.

Any thoughts from the experts out there?