d-day coming soon - help !

[misshim]

Thanks for the help,

Last night he was to drop D4 off at the house by 6pm (usual time), I thought I'd try something different. I came home and got all dressed up and texted him that I would be picking up D4 at his parents (where he lives) by 6. When I got there he wanted to know where I was going. I just told him we have plans tonight. Why, what do you need? Of course he didn't need me. He wanted to come over to take the weed wacker and try to sell it (for himself) then he said he would stay and snuggle till morning. WTH?? I would have loved it but I said D4 and I need you for alot longer than "till morning". He was a smart a** and said that's all the time he had b/c he had to go to work. Yea, Yea, I do to.

Felt funny, all dressed up just to go to the grocery store. But D4 and I had some laughs anyways. I got home and parked my truck in the barn so H wouldn't see it if he came by. Then I left tv and lights off all night just in case. I felt a little secretive but it was so peaceful, wrote in my journal off of the fish aquarium light.

I wanted him to come over so bad but I know to me it's his security of holding me. To him it doesn't mean anything except a place to sleep and get free soda in the am.

Where I get so confused is I want to be with him (of course) but the Dday is 25 days away. How will he even know that he will miss us when he's there. Or should I say ok for some nights and no for other?? Hard to pick and choose when I was used to him home every night in our bed for 7 years.

I know he will never be the person I married once he's thru with this crazyness. Knowing me, I'm sure I will still love him. I was always the fixer and the biggest lesson I learned was I CANNOT FIX HIM, THIS IS HIS JOURNEY.

I know I've asked before but do you think I should limit him when he can come over? It's hard because our schedule is H picks up D4 @ daycare mon, wed, friday, 4pm brings home 6pm and every other weekend. He always wants to hang at house when he brings d4 home. It would be hard for me to tell him he has to leave when he drops d4 off. I usually let him stay there. But he doesn't really talk (sometimes)to me, he just watches his outdoor hunting channel with our daughter sometimes he stays after he puts her to bed then other times he's in a hurry to leave.

Then there are the other nights that I get D4 from daycare and after she's in bed he'll text that he wants to come over. ARGH !! to snuggle

See why I'm going crazy !!!