Man Overboard

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

MD--

SMW, you have amazing strength and a strong faith. It must be hard to remain hopeful after so long.

I don't know where I got this quote from, but it hangs on my computer screen:
Love means to commit oneself without guarantee, to give oneself completely in hope that our love will produce love in the loved person. Love is an act of faith. Whoever is of little faith is also little of love. Is it easy to love like this. No, but God's love is enduring and unconditional and it sustains my heart.

Is there a point that you may decide you need to take additional steps, not because you don't love him or want to live out 1 Corinthians 13, but because you need to for yourself and the children?

I wrote this on my thread that started shortly before the holidays last year--I still feel the same way:I love my husband. I believe I always will. I always knew that if something were to happen to him, that I would be content to be a widow for the remainder of my life, as I have known true love in my marriage and have no desire to look elsewhere for more. Thinking of my DH fills my heart with joy still, as I can remember both the good and the bad and cry equally for both, not in mourning but in gratefulness for all he has brought to my life to make me the woman, wife, and mother that I am today. God's timing is perfect and I will wait on Him to bring my situation to completion. "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28)

Forgive me for not knowing fully your sitch and history, but at this point in time what are you doing for yourself and the kids when you say that you're moving on? Are you still practicing 180's, and acting 'as if'. Are you working on being independent and GAL for your sake and your children? I guess I'm wondering what specifically is working for you, and do you see any signs that your changes (the ones you made for yourself - period) are making an impact with S. And if they aren't, but you're better off anyway, how has that been helpful?

Oh, please! I have too many threads to expect someone to read through them all! LOL I do not know that what I am actively doing is "DBing" but is more of a lifestyle change. I do have to "act as if" on occasion in order to not allow little things to bother me--like when I went on the dependents cruise with DH and he was a little standoffish. I stayed cheerful and upbeat all day, like it was any other cruise in the past. I would not let him drag me down and that helped a lot. My whole life has become a bit of a 180 and one that I accomplished for me, not for my DH. I thought back to a time in my life when I was truly happy and fulfilled and brought myself back to that. It was a time frame of a little over 5 years ago--I had a career, three children, and was actively involved in churchm the kids' schools and activities for DH's ship. Instead of a career, now I go to college full time.

I rediscovered my faith in the Lord, returned to church and began to grow through the Word of the God. I have joined a small group from church and we get together every other week. I have made many new wonderful friends through church that love and support me.

Because I lost so much weight at the bomb and through last year, I joined a gym. I have missed that the last couple of weeks with the kids having state tests and finals, but I plan to jump back into it really soon. I spend a lot of time doing things with the kids that I did not do before-going to the beach, the park. I am enjoying my children--they are only little once and I have already missed so much.

Are my changes making an impact? Hard to say. The thing is, it does not matter what DH thinks, as I needed to make these changes for me. I do see him looking at me thoughtfully--of course he may just be trying to figure out what happened. The best way to explain it is that my husband was my whole world for many years and my life revolved around him. The bomb and his leaving created a huge hole. Over the past year, I have made that hole smaller and moved it to the side in my life. It is still there, waiting for DH to step back in and fill it, but it no longer consumes my life. I like me, I like my life (minus the sitch with DH) and I am mostly happy. Finding happiness in me has been the biggest help of all to living life to its fullest day by day.

Hope that explains it for you.

Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
SMW