hope you didn't think I was suggesting you OR SWM are "delusional"...
LOL...I think that may just be me projecting.
I just know that for me, the shock has taken so long to wear off and shaking off H's version of history has been priority #1. When I have referred to myself as being dumped, my sister loses it...she saw what I was going through in the M.
I am not religious so I'm good there...I feel some connection to a higher power but I am not doing anything for anyone other than me or my kids. Really, my vows, my truth, my clarity of purpose, that's it. I don't think God cares one way or the other...that's just me. Any divine love I believe in is universal and unwavering for all of us. So, I think I'm ok. I just had to get my head screwed on straight. Plus, knowing my short-comings and H knowing how to exploit them has required me to stop, take a look objectively and own what I need to work on without subjugating myself to H. There is so much hysteria in these sitches. Breathe, calm down, get the kids settled and then make some cool decisions.
Today, I don't feel my heart breaking. Even when I want to cry, it feels different. I hope I can keep it going. I'm really not sure how long I will hold out for H. I don't really even know what that means anymore since my resolution is that I have to move on regardless. I give myself at least a year from the bomb to start dating romantically. But, my world is open overall.
Something feels so different. I hope I can maintain it. I suppose I need to look at what shifted. Part of it, I think has been this conversation about friends and real love. H is not me. He is not an extension of me. If he drives himself into the ground or acts like an a**hole, it is not a reflection of me anymore. He is not my other half (tears)...it is sad but in a dead kind of way, not a boohoo I want that back kind of way.
Sorry to hijack. This is so hard, so intense, so life-altering. I thank you so much for being here. Seriously, I can't even talk to any real life people about this anymore. It is too incomprehensible for anyone who has not been through it. Plus, I want my life and my conversations to move from being about H and D to about me and my beautiful children and the life I am creating. Wow, I wish there was some trophy we could get for all of this. I know a wonderful life is the trophy but I feel like I have just crawled out of the ditch only to start the journey on two feet rather than being dragged...but it is just beginning.
You 25, have stuck with me. I read your posts to others and I go back and read those you wrote to me. And I understood when you stopped posting to me too. Sometimes it is all out there and the receiver has to digest and make something out of it.
Anyway, SMW, this is your thread. You picked your name well. If you know you are out of the ditch and your life feels like you are living it in color and not in black and white and not with some underlying limitations, than you are on the right track. You know what serves you and your family best.
