hope you didn't think I was suggesting you OR SWM are "delusional"...
I have rarely if ever said, "FILE FOR DIV!" and would never suggest to someone that they file for div UNLESS one of two situations occurred, (that I can think of now). It'd be 1) b/c of some dangerous sitch which neither of you have, I HOPE, including alcohol/addiction/abuse OBVIOUS stuff,
or b/c an LBSer is stuck AND staying married ENABLES a WAS to stay away even longer. I DO believe there are many others who OUGHT to file but I am not going to be the one to say that to them.
IT IS NEVER TO PUNISH... as tempting as that can be to ALL of us here in the situations or watching them...it cannot EVER be the reason. That whole "teach them a lesson" and "Show them the consequences of their actions" is NOT OUR JOB...but gets said in some form, a lot around here.
No one wants to see us end up div and THEN feel on top of the hurt, that we also "wasted so much time DBing" and if we had crystal balls, we would not be HERE. We don't know at first, when enough will be enough, and it takes "practice" to know which direction things are moving in --until we do. Which is where the serenity prayer comes in. Sometimes there are those who KNOW they need to move on, but it is fear or other "invalid" reasons that keep them stuck and yes they'll misuse faith as their excuse. It's not a bad one, considering. But I don't like the way my younger sister acted as if God made her stay in the horrible M she had, (I think out of terror of being alone mostly) only to "blame God" when things did not turn around despite what she saw as her best efforts. Make sense?
I DO think some sort of "internal" timeline is a good idea so YOU know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. That was 2 years for me, when this started b/c I wanted stability for the girls and the older one was in HS and had 2 years left, and we were not financially threatened at that time...but even so , that was testing my limits, and was more legal than emotional. Emotionally I was moving on before that, and H noted it. (I eventually noted him noting it!)
But if given the choice, I'd pick "staying M a bit too long" over "getting div a bit too soon"...
((( j )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
