Just so you know...

[bluerain]

We talked and have decided that we are just going to relax and take it slow. Maybe at the end of this summer we can discuss me moving to him, or him moving here if he decides to get out of the coast guard.

I thought about asking him to read some of the books, but Im not sure which one. Im just not sure how to do this. Thanks for reminding me to not get sucked in. I need to really take that to heart.

[Flicka]

Blue Rain, keep connected and friendly, but keep your own plans jumping forward so that he has to take action to keep up. Make him scamper to catch up with your good plans for a life with or without him. I congratulate you for doing so well and staying strong.

I hope you do rent the house out to strangers so that it does not become a campground for your wayward one. There are very satisfactory homeless shelters in Anchorage for him if he moves back with no plan. Well, they are less than satisfactory, but it is summer for a moment. Stay creative about scenarios for the fall.

I loved reading your update and always thought things could be sorted out. He is such a classic ****-up. Stay strong Purple Rain!! Oh yeah. Blue Rain!!

[bluerain]

What a change. I just cant believe it... oddly enough, I have this strange sense of having "won" and now I keep having this idea that I will just walk away from him. I know that thats not what I really want, but its strange to notice it.

I went up to Anchorage to apply for a job at a liquor wholesaler, I actually have a really good background for this, and it would be a godsend if I got this job. So, I took monday off, drove 250 miles on sunday, spent the night at a friends and spent all day monday filling out their paperwork and getting my background check documentation together. The job description said that I had to apply in person. Once I filled out and accumulated everything, I handed it in and the receptionist said ok, well call you in a few weeks.

I had to apply in person for THAT? I couldnt have faxed these things in? I took great pains to do this, I gotta say, I expected more! This was a 500 mile round trip! Im so disappointed! I really thought that I would at least speak to someone who was important! grumble...grumble...

So cross your fingers for me! This would be a really good chance for me. My current job ends August 30, I dont know what Im going to do after that, Ive applied everywhere but Safeway and McDonalds, and I could use a break!

[bluerain]

I heard from a friend that my chances for this job are really good. I spent a long time working in the liquor industry, so I know some important people who have been putting in good words for me.
The bad news: I just found out that this job is NOT the job I thought it was. This is working in a warehouse putting together orders and arranging product at the accounts who place the orders once they are delivered. It still is better money than Ive ever made before, and Im sure that I could do it. But I dont want to work in a warehouse .

I just dont understand why this is so freaking hard! I know lots of losers who manage to get great jobs only to leave them a few months later! I am a good employee, I have an excellent and varied work history, great references. I have never had this much trouble finding a full time job. Never. Im pretty disappointed about this warehouse job, if they offer it to me I will probably take it, but boy, Im nervous about it.

In Homer there are something like 70 jobs posted. About half of those are seasonal/part time. The other half are teachers, nurses, CNA's, and things that I have already applied for! Im just frustrated I suppose.

I still havent actually spoken to H, we are texting every day, we only did R talk one time. I was thinking about giving him a call tonite, I would like to start planning a trip so we could see each other. Doesnt that seem like it would be important? I have told a few people that we are trying to work it out, it feels good. I keep having dreams about my wedding ring. I lost it last summer, I have absolutely no idea where. It really could have been anywhere, but I kept wearing it even during his A. I have searched my house top to bottom a few times, I really dont think that its here. If we do work things out, I would like to get new rings anyway! But I really liked that one.

[Flicka]

Get a grip.

[karen43]

Job hunting is so much harder now. I think most people are scared to leave a job they have and move on to something else b/c they're looking for some security. In my local paper they used to have hundreds of jobs listed every day, but now I would say about half a dozen. But I do think at some point the economy will improve a bit, people will get less scared, and start switching jobs more, and things will improve. Karen

[bluerain]

I wish that I could extend my job into something real year round! When school is in session I cant work more than 20 hours a week. But you know what, I made it last year, so Ill make it again this year! But, this is all getting really stressful.

If H and I do work things out, I dont need to work full time. But I want to be self-sufficient so that if he pulls the rug out from under me again, I wont be in such a bad place as I was last year. He just told me the other day that he doesnt want strangers living in the house, which wasnt an issue when the house was going to be soley mine, but now if he is going to still be in the picture, I guess he can have a say.

I would like for us to start planning a trip to see each other. I just think that being face to face for at least a little while would be good for us.

[futureunknown]

But I want to be self-sufficient so that if he pulls the rug out from under me again, I wont be in such a bad place as I was last year.

I think that's an excellent idea. You've worked hard to get yourself back into a good place. Protect that investment.

I would like for us to start planning a trip to see each other. I just think that being face to face for at least a little while would be good for us.

I think that's an excellent idea. How long has it been since you were together in person?

[bluerain]

Hi Future!
We havent seen eachother since last August. He was supposed to call me yesterday and didnt, he said his phone was acting up. Who knows. I think that its really good that I am staying on my current track and trying to get myself taken care of by ME. This just reminds me to not get sucked in again.

Well, the job drama goes on. I talked to the guy in charge of hiring at this company and they not only want someone to start this week, they thought that I was applying for a part time summer position... Cuz Im really going to uproot and move for a job that ends in a month and a half?! But I will be in anchorage on monday and he wants to sit down with me and "Have a conversation" who knows, maybe they will try to put me somewhere else.

I really thought that this one was going to work out and I was going to have this tough choice to make... guess it was made for me! This is the first serious full time year round job hope Ive had in a year and a half! I am just feeling so hopeless. Im tired of worrying like this.

[bluerain]

Phew... Im getting ready to call H. It will be our first actual conversation in a long, long time, Im not positive exactly how long, but its been months. Ok, I will let you know how it goes... Wish me luck!