"I was one of the "damn" lucky that their spouse wanted back when I fully detached."
And yet... this is where things "go awry". Is it not?
"And let me tell you something, I did move forward, I did grow and for the most part I was handling this in a healthy for me way."
I took out part of that cause it is just not important.
If I was questioning you.. which I am not.
I would ask you to define this..
"for the most part."
I would expect you to give me your most "Emotional" response.
"My H came back when the timing was sooo wrong. I cant even begin to decsribe how wrong it was. It was a little too late almost. I decided for my own personal and moral and whatever reasons to give it a try. And to do that, I gave up a lot."
You kinda describe it here.. "for the most part."
The simple fact to me remains that you made the decision .. well.. half hearted. Nothing wrong with that. It happens.
A big part of this is still making a choice and sticking to it. The "Groundrules" that apply to that choice is it has to be the best "choice" for you.
Forks in the road...
If we look back from now.. to 6 months ago.. what would you change? What can you "see" now that might have "put you on a different path?"
"During our "piecing", just as FG told me, it became obvious he had NO IDEA what our effort to reconcile involved. I believe, he believed I "was where he left me."
Same as you having "no idea" how to deal with the "bomb". This is what I harp on.. most of this is about control.. and timing.
At the very least both of you have had "no idea".
"Today, during a talk, he told me he feels like crap. He said he also feels this is a sick situation. He said every time we have a fight (twice or three times so far) he is questioning our effort. He said he is unhappy."
Why do you think I pull back from posting? Sometimes I worry about what I say "here". I wake up in the morning and don't even want to look at it. Who is gonna call me names.. or "confront" me. I still come back and read all of it. I will assure you that right now and where I am reading it makes me unhappy. But it also makes me happy if that makes sense. Life.. just like "DB.com" shows peoples true colors. From experience you have to read between the lines.
The "issues" that show up "here" and the ones in RL are not that different.
Again.. as John and Ian and others pointed out you seem to be able to "make it all better" just by being you.
At times I think you doubt that ability in RL.
At times I think you are scared of what could be.
At times I think you are smarter than what could be.
I will attest to this place "dragging" you down.
But have things really changed that much between me and you.
Have I really said anything different than you need to make a choice for you and yours?
Do things because you want to. That "little voice" is still talking to you. I can't tell you why.
"There is huge gap between us."
Well you either close the gap between you.. or you stop trying to close the gap. You cannot change the gap.
