"What I wanted to see was a partnership- someone who valued me- respected me- and most importantly someone who wanted to meet my needs. Someone who listened to me and took the time to intimately know me. "
She wanted a partnership - could she want you more involved at home with the day to day stuff? More involved with children perhaps. See a load of laundry sitting there waiting for her - get it done before she thinks to do it.
How do you show someone you value them? What is her love language? For instance, acts of service. What can you do for her without pointing it out? A hot cup of coffee first thing in the morning, free time made free because you took the kids somewhere?
Respect. Frankly I think you've been doing great on that. Another way to show respect is to give her space. Quietly move to another room, give her breathing room, take the kids and tell her to go have an afternoon to herself.
Listen, listen, listen. She told you what she wanted. The most important part of communication is listening. You can't be talking when you are listening.
By listening and taking notes, you are going to get to know her intimately. Ask her open ended questions, zip your lip, and let her talk. And keep your eyes on her, nod at things she says, and let her know any word she utters is the only thing you are focused on at that moment.
Listen, we all got to this place because we couldn't see the handwriting on the wall. Often the WA tried to tell us in their own way and we only took it as complaints.
Right now, when it matters most, if we listen, show respect, give them space they will tell us what they need. They will tell us what we have to do and do consistently. When you are that person your wife described she will have the doubts.
So, talk less and listen more.
I know you can.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
