25- Sadly, I think my H reconnecting with his own dad at this late date is reaffirming for him that he will always have that opening with his boys despite his actions. However, now that his dad is looking to start 3rd family (he already left two behind with 4 kids total) H will have a lot to think about in terms of collateral damage. His dad sure has created a lot. This of course is out of my hands.
As for me and SWM and whoever else, sometimes the emotional shifts have to happen before the actions. I feel better today than I have felt in a long time. It just did not feel right to take action from the place of fear, hostility and judgement I was in when you and I were conversing. It is frustrating to watch, I'm sure. But, I have to live with ME when this is all over and I need a sense of peace and clarity. I get that there is a point where it reads as delusional or detrimental. I see it in others and myself. But, again, it is such a personal choice. I have been told that you have to just jump into the black hole and have faith. I need to build myself up for that leap. I need to know myself, know my intentions and have the presence of mind to be able to navigate what is coming next. I feel I am almost there. Thanks very much to YOU and AJ (way back when) and Lucky Girl and SP and Thinker and others...I need to really settle into this place and practice for a bit and I think the pivotal moments will present themselves. Pressure conjures panic for me. I don't take for granted that I am only at the starting line.
The serenity prayer is so great. Thanks for posting it. Can never read it enough.
