Newly separated...advice please!

[The Wifey]

Don't help him out, leave his ass alone, this is his bed he is making and it sounds like you want it to make it comfortable for him.

You are correct on the backslides, this day was a perfect opportunity not to be there but you were all over him, with lunch, do you love me, get our picture back up. How long was he there, and all of this happened from you.

OK now it is over, you MUST react cognitively and not emotionally. Think before you say anything, and in fact say nothing unless spoken to.

I believe it is time to go very dark, but I do not think you have it in you and it would be the very best way to get him to be curious about you.

Do not ask for the keys unless he starts to use them and you are not comfortable with that. Then just ask him to leave them under the mat the next time he is there on his way out. Or if he really pisses you off and is coming over all of the time, then change the locks.

TIME TO GET STARTED, You have not yet begun. YOU CAN DO THIS!

Let's see how long it takes for him to contact you without you contacting him.
Burt

Dburt,

Pad them 2x4's, bud. It took me a long time to be able to really DB. Great that you got it all perfectly the first time. I can only tell you that hard 2x4's drove me away from the BB more than once.

Hard 2x4's to a person that is already devastated by the bomb makes them feel like a failure and hurts their DB efforts in the near future. Just my OPINION, and also how it was for me.

When people would instead, understand where I was in the process and encourage me to pick myself up, take the next step, I could do this - I really felt I could.

We all have backslides and want to see immediate change. The important part of her posts were here side comments knowing what she shouldn't have done.

And I will say this is a long process. You can pick yourself up. What is done is done, but tomorrow is another day. And you will do better and grow more each day.