Man Overboard

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

SMW,

Maybe, the serenity prayer below is for you too. Maybe that's what some are saying to you and maybe they fear you are using your faith to justify being stuck. I have mixed feelings and feel that it is true to an extent. However, your recent posts about the military aspects we discussed long ago, even if they are "excuses for being stuck" make some sense too. I do not know what help OR harm it is for the kids to remain in limbo though, but I'm not qualified to comment on that.

I am only stuck in the sense that nothing has changed in my M situation. However, I am moving forward with life. Yes, there are days I mourn what I had with my DH. But, for him to come home, we have to start a new marriage. The person I was for the last few years no longer exists,praise God. The money issues involving DH's retirement, our finances, and my college are all things I have to consider, along with the fact that I do not want a divorce. For the kids, I am in constant contact with D9's counselor, as she is my biggest concern and challenge. I believe the C would tell me if she thought anything we were doing was hurting the kids.

I do feel strongly that my h and I are together again b/c I was moving on without him. So yes to the detachment. Life was handing him some consequences. Not me. Life. And he saw that he was losing me and us and his R's with the kids. It was NOT a tactic. It was real. I was surprised at his efforts to reconcile in some ways. (ALMOST not so glad about the recon, as I was really starting to GAL and look forward to MY future, but now that I know I still have that, I'm stronger and better for it...make sense?)

I feel the same way--I have detached, maybe not as much as some would like to see, but I am moving on with life. it is causing DH to blink, but it does not matter. I am at peace with whatever happens. I know what God has promised and as it says in Numbers 23:19--"God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?" If that makes me stuck in my faith, then so be it.

Maybe the prayers on some of your posts come off too much as you hanging on ONLY to the idea of his return and setting yourself up for staying in denial and for too long...but now I'm thinking that the way it sounds may not be the way it is.??

I know that divorce is still a very real possibility in my life and I have accepted that. I also know God is a God of miracles and "many are the plans of a man's heart, but God's purpose prevails." (Proverbs 19:21) Since God's word is true and He hates divorce, I will wait on His perfect time for things to fall into His purpose.

We just returned from a big family trip and H did some repair work with d20. He sputtered at first and we had to have a private talk wherein I reminded him of what happened to HER, not "us" or HIM....but how SHE must have felt when he missed all those parts of her life, etc. He said he wanted "to finish strong" and I think he felt so alienated from HIS/OUR family it scared him.

And he got it. At least for the remainder of the trip h was more relaxed and listening and letting go of the control things. Yay for miracles!

I had read about your trip on another thread and I am so happy that your H is stepping up to the plate and repairing the broken relationships with his children. Fathers are a compass for their children and they need him as much as he needs them.

I hope you'll both be in place wherein your h's want to fix things like that with the kids. Regardless of the M, it is sooo needed.

Children are the biggest victims in a divorce.

SMW, I'll be sending good stuff your d9's way. Interesting that he was so close to her.

Not really, she is his first born and I worked days when she was a baby, DH worked nights. They spent a ton of time together. The sad thing is that it took this mess for her and I to become close.

I'd predict if he doesn't come home (and 18 months is a longer than usual A unfortunately) that he'll reach out to her in some other way and I hope she'll open her heart to that. Our d20 wrote to h on Father's Day that she "wants to let him back into her heart." I would have died if I had gotten a card like that but h was appropriately touched

((( j )))

Yes, it is a long A, but I also have to factor in the almost 8 months that he was on deployment, where he could live in lala land with no constant reminders of home and family to deal with every day. As many long time posters have told me, it was like essentially starting over when he came home. D9 has not closed her self off completely to DH, but she is not as affectionate as she used to be. Him not living here and us all being a family is hurting her deeply. I hope they can repair it. It too me 24 years to forgive my father and he is just getting an understanding of the hurt and pain his decisions caused.

Serenity Prayer

God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.


My problem was not the courage one but the serenity one. I'm better now.
We each have to find our balance in this.

I love the serenity prayer and it is a big help.

Thanks for posting to me 25, you do not drop by often, but your posts are always full of wisdom.

Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
SMW