Newly Separated and Heartbroken

[ALJ]

Thanks again everyone for your wisdom and kind words. I haven't had a chance to post in a while. Still trying to find out about myself and gal. I have found out that I do like to go to the gym(especially the group workout classes) and I am going to change some furniture around in the house and maybe buy some new items to give everything my own personal touch.

I have been seeing a counselor who is really good. She has been talking with me about my self esteem issues and I have been working on that area in my life and trying to concentrate on how I can better myself. I used to feel that the demise of our marriage was mostly my fault but now I am beginning to see that H played a huge part in our problems also. We are both to blame.

It has been almost 5 weeks since H moved down south and he will be back in town next week to see the kids and to attend his sisters 30th birthday get together. I do miss him and would love to greet him with a hug when I see him. Should I ask his permission first or should I let him initiate any hugs? After H dropped the bomb, he did not want any hugs or kisses from me so I really don't know how what I should do. Also, would fixing his favorite meals while he is here be pursuing behavior?

Although I miss H dearly, I am afraid of how he is going to act toward me. Like I stated before, he literally turned into a cold hearted stranger overnite after dropping bomb and I was practically dying of a broken heart. I dont want to experience those feelings of despair and loneliness if he is still acting the same way toward me. As a matter of fact, I might get angry with him and treat him the same way. I know this wont solve anything and it will be like taking two steps back after taking one step forward. I will really need to ask God to give me willpower.

I am working on having patience with our separation. I know things do not change overnite. I just wish I knew what the future holds for us. I find myself wondering if he is thinking about me or does he remember the good times that we had? I apologize for this post being all over the place. My emotions are all over the place also.